Living cross-culturally part 1.

Emily and I arrived in France 767 days ago. Be sure to check out my photo-a-day blog. Living in France has been an incredible experience, one that has eternally changed me. It has been one of the most transformative choices we have made. It has been one of the most challenging choices we have made. I have learned so much from our time here, working with truly incredible people, and living in this wonderful place. And the bread here has ruined me for bread outside of France.

Our experience has been exactly what many other missionaries living in Europe had told us: living cross-culturally is extremely hard and you never get over culture-stress. Culture shock is the sense of confusion and frustration that engulfs someone when the "honeymoon” period of living in a new place fades. It is the utter disbelief at how another culture could function so differently from your home culture. Why can't people form a line to wait for the bus or the cashier? How is it possible in Grenoble, a metropolitan area of 500,000 people, for only one branch of our bank to accept cash deposits? The branch on campus opened our bank accounts, sold us renter's insurance, gave us our debit cards, PINs, and chequebooks, but the teller (not the atm) could not accept the 20€ I wanted to deposit for activating my new account. Instead, I had to go to the main branch in downtown to deposit cash. Thankfully, culture shock does pass; it takes time and perseverance, but it does not last forever. 

Culture stress is the fact that I am a Californian living in Grenoble, the fact that I am the stranger in a foreign land. Anytime there is a misunderstanding or conflict, it is the French culture which wins. I understand that it would be ridiculous of me to expect the French people around me to conform to my American ways. But it is hard that every day, with every misstep, I am the one who is wrong. It can be upsetting when, on top of the normal stresses of life, a cultural mishap thwarts your plans and leaves you feeling ridiculed for your cultural ineptitude. Someone is rude toward you and it's your fault for creating the awkward opportunity for them to be rude. It is not about logic or reason, it comes down to the fact that I am not at home here and everyone knows it the moment I open my mouth. Culture stress is described as a low-grade fever you never get over, and I must confess that after 767 days that is how it feels. I know that in time, perhaps on the order of years or decades, this fades away. 

One of the fruits of living here in France is the humbling process of culture stress. Being the person who does not know the culture, the language, or the customs puts you in a very dependent position. I need others to help me if only to verify that what I said in French actually makes sense. Being the outsider wears on you over time. The choices become either never leave your house, leave France, or humble yourself to your host culture. Humility is a hard concept to learn, I am very much still in progress, but living as a stranger in France has helped me along in this process. It has also made me extremely appreciative of the rare person who is kind and understanding toward me; who is patient with my less than perfect French skills, and who puts in extra effort to help me navigate life here. When we return to California, I want to find every opportunity to be like these gracious people and help others who are strangers and outsiders.

Stuck in the Present

When Emily and I first decided to move to France I was excited; not only was this the opportunity to live in Europe which we had dreamed of, but France is the home of such delights as croissants, pain au chocolat (chocolate croissants), baguettes, and a range of other delicious foods besides pastries. I only had one concern: I do not speak French.

Having growing up in California, when it came time for me to study a foreign language in high school I chose Spanish. Now with our plans to move to France I sought out various options and resources for learning this new language. I found a few helpful, and free, websites which taught me a lot of useful words, and I poured time and brainpower into learning French.

When we arrived in France I certainly did not know much French, but I knew a few key words and phrases like “ou sont les toilettes?” (where is the bathroom?), “bonjour” (hello), and “comment ça va?” (how are you?). I also soon learned other important phrases like “je voudrais ______” (I would like…. a hamburger, some water, cold medicine, etc.)

But when it came to verb conjugations all I knew was present tense. At first I thought this tense would serve a purpose. It had not until my second year of Spanish class in high school that I had learned the past tense, so certainly the French present tense would carry me through some conversations right?

Turns out the present tense is only helpful if you want to narrate your life as it occurs, but the moment someone makes small talk by asking “comment était ta journée?” (how was your day?) or “qu'est-ce que tu as fait aujourd'hui? (what did you do today?) you are reduced to sounding like an idiot saying “je mange…j’écris une lettre …je voudrais dire quelque chose!” (I eat, I write a letter… I would like to say something!). In conversations I was made into a near-mute, unable to use words to express myself. I was stuck in the present tense.

After living in France for two months we started language school and at last I started learning the beloved passé composé (the tense used for finite events in the past and analogues to the preterito in Spanish). Now I could say “j’ai mangé et j’ai écrit une lettre” (I ate and I wrote a letter). Next came imparfait which is used for descriptions and for reoccurring events in the past. Now I could understand and answer the question “how was your day?” (comment était ta journée?). Futur proche opened the door for describing near future events. No longer was I stuck in the present, I could speak French in four dimensions!

I am still learning French and have tons more to learn. I have developed relationships with a few more verb tenses (turns out the conditional and simple future sound the same in spoken French). It may be I have only scratched the surface of French, but as I dig deeper I am ever growing in my ability to express myself. The constraints of time no longer bind my speech. I am finding my voice again, now in French.

(this post was originally published on my new writing blog: tholdenkamp.wordpress.com)