1099 Days Later

1099 days ago, my wife and I moved to Grenoble France. We lived there for 990 days, 
and have been back in our native California for 109 days. As I read those numbers, it makes my head spin. I can hardly comprehend my life before Grenoble, how long we lived in France, and that we have already been back in California for so long.

Time and numbers are such fickle things. Can life be quantified? Is it accurate to say we have been back in California for 10% of the time we were gone? Often, trying to quantify life glosses over the quality of time. Life is more than a string of moments: seconds and minutes and days slipping by. Hours and days each have a set duration, but they do not all have the same value. How we spend, waste, or invest our time shapes us.

Our (almost) three years in Grenoble were (about) 10% of my life, but they were a critical 10%. God used our time in France, away from family and our native culture, as a means of transforming me. I learned, experienced, and changed more during this season than many others. When I look back on my life, our time in Grenoble will always be a significant period the same way going to university or getting married were in forming who I am. The rest of my life has been irreversibly changed, for the better, because of our time and our friends in Grenoble.

How much we engage with our lives and our time, and how much we allow the Lord, who is always at work sculpting us to be more whole and holy, adds gravity and grandeur to our moments.

How are you investing your time? Are you spending it in meaningful ways? What is the Lord wanting to do in and through you? What has the Lord taught or transformed in your life during the last 100 days? What is the Lord wanting to do with the next 100?

Celebrate, and Celebrate Often: The Discipline of Celebration

As Christians, we should celebrate and we should celebrate often. I have three reasons why. 

The first is the Gospel: God Himself/His Son came to earth to be with us, die for us, and resurrect into new life that we too may share in eternal right relationship with God. Jesus has overcome sin and death; when on the cross He said “it is finished” (Jn 19.30) Jesus meant it. He has won the victory. We are going home to be with God. The story ends with a wedding party. This is something to celebrate, and we will do so for eternity. There is pain for now, but it will come to an end. This is reason to rejoice. Also, as a wedding now foreshadows the coming marriage between Christ and His bride, when we celebrate now it foreshadows the eternal celebration to come.

The second reason we should celebrate now is that as the body of Christ we are called to be a body that feels deeply together. We are to love and honor each other. As Paul writes in Romans 12.15 “rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” As a body, we should celebrate with each other. We want to share life together; the good, the bad, all of it. We want to celebrate life-events together, and we want to acknowledge who God has made each of us to be.

The final reason we should celebrate is to cultivate the discipline of celebration, which combats jealousy. In our social media age, where we share and perceive the near-perfect illusion of the lives we lead, it can be easy to slip into thoughts of jealousy when someone’s relationship status changes to “engaged” or we see pictures from our friend’s vacation to Hawaii. We should be celebrating these milestones in each other’s lives. Yes, seeing others get the things we long for can stir up envy and resentment, but we do not have to be controlled by these emotions. Instead of dwelling in jealousy, we can thank God for the blessing in another’s life. Celebrating in these moments can be difficult, but with practice we can cultivate this discipline. I want to be someone who will throw you a party when you get what I deeply desire.

What are some ways we can celebrate more? How can we honor each other? We can celebrate each other by acknowledging our love for each other. We can freely and frequently share how others help and encourage us. We can say what we enjoy about each other and what gifts, talents, or character each other has. I am a big fan of words of affirmation, but maybe acts of service, gifts, or time spent together are better ways of communicating what we feel. How do you like to be honored?

I think various cultural events are great occasions to celebrate together. Birthdays, weddings, Christmas parties and graduations are all wonderful opportunities to have fun and to commemorate life together. What do you do to celebrate the friends and family in your life? Is it something you can do more often?

Thoughts on Heaven: Is Ministry a Temp Job?

This post is a continuation of the ideas laid out in my previous post "Thoughts on Heaven" and is a question I have been praying and wrestling about for a while: is ministry a temp job?

An aspect of Heaven which Scripture describes is that we will have jobs and roles in eternity (Gen 1.28, 1 Cor 6.2-3, Mt 19.28, Rev 3.21, 22.5). Immediately we think this sounds terrible; retirement is a dream of our modern era. This stems not from an eternal perspective on the nature of work, but is a consequence of living in a fallen world. Originally we were given the job of cultivating God’s good creation (Gen 1:26-30), and having work was a part of God’s design for humans. In Genesis 3:17-19 we see part of the curse is our work becomes difficult. Much of the enjoyment intended for our occupations has been replaced with weariness and struggle. But we still have a God-given desire to do, make, create, and work.

In light of eternity, what job security do I have as someone in full-time ministry? For those in vocational ministry, whether as a pastor of a local church, a campus minister, a cross-cultural missionary, or any number of other full-time positions, will we outgrow our need for ministry? Other jobs like engineers, baristas, and interior designers conceivably have a place in Heaven. Should pastors be concerned that one day we are doing to be replaced by the Good Shepherd (Jn 10:11-18) himself? When Jesus came he made the high priest’s job redundant (Heb 4:14). Does the same fate await ministers in Heaven? What use will we have for sermons or Bible studies when standing in God’s presence? Paul describes in 1 Corinthians 13:8-10 that prophecies and speaking in tongues will cease in Heaven, and such means of experiencing God will be eclipsed by God Himself. What happens if a pastor’s only marketable skill or job experience is preaching? Does an infinity of unemployment await him or her?

Perhaps we will all have time to devote toward developing other jobs, tasks, and creative endeavors. My father-in-law (who is also in full-time ministry) says he is waiting until Heaven to learn to play the violin, so perhaps he will have a future in one of Heaven’s orchestras?

The good news is, despite the fact that we do not know what Heaven holds for the full-time minister, our God is far too creative to abandon us to idleness for eternity.

What are your thoughts? Have you found any scripture which sheds more light on this subject?

Grief in France and thoughts on Charlie

            I first became aware of Charlie Hebdo when I heard about the terrorist attack on January 7^th. My initial response was unattached; twelve people dead is tragic, but tragedy happens all the time.

            But for my French friends around me it was not something to be unattached about, it was personal. It was an attack in their nation. It was the targeted assassination of well known and dearly loved public figures. I think this is inpart why the cry for solidarity has been “Je suis Charlie” (I am Charlie), because so many people can identify with those killed at Charlie Hebdo. I have heard stories of people who grew up reading comics and articles by those killed, whether published by Charlie Hebdo or in other magazines. Satire and the idea no subject is too sacred to escape mocking is a deeply held French value; it seems to date back at least to the writings of Voltaire and the Enlightenment which are both at the core of the French identity. Regardless of opinions concerning this freedom of speech, the attack on Charlie Hebdo feels like an assault on French values and culture. France is not my country, but it is my host country. French culture is not my culture, but it is my friends’ culture. So I want to stand with my friends and grieve this attack.

            My concern now is what the backlash will be. We panic when something as foundational as our culture or worldview is threatened. France is characterized by a unique brand of militant secularism known as laïcité which seeks to restrict the expression of personal beliefs in a public setting. This philosophy confronted with the large North African Muslim population now living within France has made anti-immigrant sentiments and questions of religious freedoms into hot topics of debate since before we arrived in France. I fear this new attack will only fuel the view religion is fundamentally incompatible with French culture, and spur a rise in actions against immigrants, specifically North-Africans, and Muslims. Already laïcité and Islamophobia place restrictions on religions of any sort.

            The Muslim community in France is as deeply grieved by this attack as the rest of the French people, but now bears the added weight put on them by political powers and mob mentality. Extremists, both those who plotted the attack as well as the National Front (the ultraconservative, nationalistic, and Islamophobic political party), want to use this attack to divide the people of France and further their agendas. They want to force Muslims to say either they condone Charlie’s images against Islam and condemn Wednesday’s attack, or they condemn the images and condone the attack. But this is a false dichotomy, and many Muslims feel caught in the middle. A Muslim friend of mine said he has been hurt three times now: first when Charlie Hebdo published their cartoons, second was the attack on Wednesday, and now a third time when people began saying all Muslims are terrorists.

            People have also begun spreading “Je ne suis pas Charlie” (I am not Charlie) on social media as a reaction to those killed at Charlie being viewed as martyrs of free speech. In the wake of this attack people are questioning and responding to the previous published works of Charlie Hebdo. The tension which erupted with the attack is still lingering and everyone is in a reactive mood. It has been noted social media polarizes people and viewpoints; we either agree 100% or we are opponents. People feel the need to critique and comment upon every single point of deviation they may have with another person’s thoughts. Add this to something has volatile as Charlie Hebdo, and we get a potential social media storm with overly defined and simplistic battle lines dividing people.

            This is missing the true need right now. Whether the past actions of those at Charlie Hebdo were wise, disrespectful, funny, or imprudent is not the issue. Twelve people are dead in what was an attack on a cultural value. We do not have to agree 100% with Charlie Hebdo’s policies to be grieved by this attack or to mourn with those around us. “Je ne suis pas Charlie” at worst seems to say those who died deserved it, and at best invalidates the grief of everyone affected by the attack. It may not be meant as invalidation of others' grief, but it is perceived as such, and I cannot agree with that. Now is not the time to ponder Charlie Hebdo’s policies, it is a time to mourn together. If you do not feel comfortable changing your profile picture to “Je suis Charlie” don’t, but please do not nullify another’s grief. Division will not bring peace; it will spark only violence and fear. Our only hope is that we can love others and work together through this.

            Please pray for France: pray for unity, peace, and understanding.

My New Year's Resolution is Learning to Grieve Better (part 3)

It has been a while since I posted about my 2014 New Year’s Resolution of learning to grieve well (parts 1 and 2 here and here), and with 2014 drawing to a close here is one of the last two posts. On this side of 2014 I still have a lot to learn about grieving well.

I am inspired by Jesus’ words and actions in John 11. Word comes to Jesus that Lazarus, a dear friend of his, is sick, and in verse four Jesus begins by telling us the end of the story. “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it” (John 11:4) are Jesus’ words. From the start everything Jesus does is rooted in His knowledge of how this will end. He knew Lazarus would live again and it would be for God's glory. So after the news of Lazarus’s sickness comes Jesus waits for Lazarus to die.

When at last Jesus arrives in the town of Bethany, and he meets Lazarus’ sisters Martha and Mary, he does not offer up vague platitudes. He does not make excuses or give well intended but empty words. He cries with them (John 11:35). Even though Jesus knows the sisters’ grief will soon be turned to awe, the Lord God Almighty-Creator of the Universe-now human, weeps with them. He is present with them in their grief. He is not bothered by their mourning or their lack of His eternal perspective, He is not uncomfortable with their emotions, He instead meets them where they are in their grief. And that is awesome. I want to be like Jesus for others. Just as the Lord has met with me in my times of grief, I want to be able to meet others too.

In 1 Corinthians 12:26 Paul writes “If one member suffers, all suffer together with it; if one member is honored, all rejoice together with it” and again in Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” In a world where people are uncomfortable with each other’s grief, may we the Church incarnate the truth of being there with those who mourn, of grieving with those who grieve. May we be known as a Church who weeps well together.

I am still in the process of discovering how to embody this truth and follow Jesus in walking in the ways of His Kingdom. Will you walk with me? Can we as the Church walk together in our grief and learning to grieve?

Viral Gospel Part 3.

 Today’s post is the third and final part of my “Viral Gospel series”. The Gospel is like a virus in its ability to transform culture and lives. We see this illustrated in a biological process known as transduction.

As discussed in Viral Gospel part 1. the goal of a virus is to infect a cell, use the cell’s machinery to build more viruses, and then release the daughter virions (individual virus particles) to go infect other cells. But sometimes in the chaos of a virus’ hostile takeover of a cell, instead of packing a copy of the viral nucleic acid into a daughter virion, a chunk of the host cell’s DNA is added instead. When this daughter virion goes on to infect another cell, instead of inserting viral nucleic acid into the new cell, the bit of previous host’s DNA is added. This viral accident can be used by biologists as a tool for making cells express novel genes.

Like a virion introducing new genes into an existing genome, the Gospel brings new life to our human cultures. The Gospel does not condemn culture or impose an ancient culture upon us today, but engages with, redeems, and transforms our modern culture.

When we encounter the Gospel we do not have to reject everything we have known; we do not have to disown our old way of life. Instead we can allow the transcendent truth of the Gospel into our lives and begin discovering how this interacts with us and our culture. We do not have to behave like first century Palestinian peasants to follow Jesus, we can learn what it means to be followers today in our twenty-first century context. This journey of transformation is something Christians have been experiencing and experimenting with for centuries. We see an example of this in the New Testament debate about circumcision. The early church had to wrestle with how the Gospel related to both the culture and the belief concerning circumcision.

Another example is the Christmas tree. Skeptics like to point out possible pagan roots or animistic traditions of the Christmas tree as though this somehow invalidates the holiday. There is nothing inherently evil about decorating with a tree, even if pagans used to worship it. The Gospel does not say “because this [insert cultural good, artifact, tradition] was used for idolatry (or other sin), it must be disowned.” Instead the Gospel teaches us how to take these things and re-purpose them for the Gospel. This is how we redeem an object or custom. People used to worship trees, instead of raining on their parade let us use this familiar tradition to now point to Jesus. People celebrated the winter solstice and prayed for the sun to return, let us celebrate Jesus’ birth at the same time of year and utilize this existing cultural momentum to teach about Jesus’ coming as the true light and new life which people have long hoped for.

So what does this mean for us now? How do we allow the Gospel to transform us? What in our lives, in how we live, has not been changed by the Gospel? How can we be transformed by this truth? The miracle of Christmas is the incarnation of our Savoir. We reflect back upon this great mystery and we look forward to this coming reality, to Jesus’ second advent. The question for us now is how do we incarnate the message of God’s incarnation today, in our context, to our neighbors?

Share your thought and ideas in the comment section, I know I still have a lot to learn

Viral Gospel Part 1.

The English word “Gospel” is powerful. Its etymological root is the ancient Greek word “εὐαγγέλιον” (euaggelion) which means “good news”. The history behind this word “euaggelion” is complicated and fascinating, and I will address this, and Jesus’s awesomeness, in Gospel Part 2. For now I want to focus on the idea the Gospel is like a virus.

A virus is composed of two components: the capsid and the nucleic acid (yes some viruses also have a membrane envelope, but for the sake of simplicity we will not concern ourselves with this). The nucleic acid within a virus can be either RNA or DNA and contains all the biological information, the identity, of the virus. The capsid is the protein shell of the virus and serves as the vehicle for transporting the nucleic acid and interacting with the virus’s environment. The formation of the capsid is directed by the nucleic acid.

With this in mind the Gospel, the unchanging truth of this message, is like the nucleic acid of a virus; it cannot be changed without fundamentally altering the identity of the virus. The capsid is the cultural expression of the Gospel and our faith; its role is to interact and adapt to the context. The resurrection is true and the Gospel is truth, but without embodiment or cultural expression nothing happens and no one hears the good news.

A problem facing our post-Christian culture is vaccination. The best way to prevent a virus is to vaccinate. Vaccines are created one of two ways: stripping the nucleic acid from the virus and chopping up the capsid, or mutating the nucleic acid and changing the identity to a weakened form. We live in a world which thinks it has tried and rejected Jesus, but for many people all they have experienced is a false gospel. These false gospels are misrepresentations of the Gospel and Jesus which I as a Christian have also rejected, but they can vaccinated others to the truth about Jesus. These vaccines can look like tradition and behavior; empty routines without the truth of the Gospel in them. A vaccine can also mirror Christianity, have all the trappings of faith, but the truth of the Gospel has been altered: legalism or the belief 'I must obey God to be loved by God'. Gospel clothed with judgment or pride is not the true Gospel, but it can turn people away.

How do we reach a vaccinated world? How do we share Jesus with people who think they have already said no to Him? First we need to seek God and be rooted in His truth; we need to have the right DNA. Next we need some antigenic drift. Antigenic drift is the process of a virus changing its capid to adjust to the environment; the proteins change, but the nucleic acid stays the same. For the Gospel this means the truth is unaltered, but we have to rethink how we present the Gospel. We need to understand our audience, to really listen to their experiences, hurts, and preconceived ideas; maybe it’s as simple as explaining to a friend the ‘Jesus’ they rejected is a lie. Just as Jesus had to explain and embody the truth of the Gospel in His culture and context, not their previous understandings of what was “gospel”, we need to look to Jesus and explain this same Gospel to our world.

What are some common accusation non-Christians have of Christians? Ask your non-Christian friends. This may shed light on what false gospels they have been vaccinated by, which may open the door for you to share the truth. Maybe they are turned off by nonessentials like going to church on Sunday mornings, but would be down to meet weekly an talk about Jesus over coffee or go with you to a bible study?

I think it’s important we take the time to seek God and ask if everything we believe about being a Christian is derived from the true Gospel. Then let’s pray for wisdom in how to re-communicate the Gospel to our culture.

Thankfully God is very creative, and the Gospel of Jesus is really good news.

Creativity and Agency

I have observed a trend for Christians to have an odd view of creativity, especially whenever it relates to creating something “good.” The phrase “God gave me a [insert creative endeavor here]” is thrown around lot. The heart behind this is good and genuine; God is the Author and Creator, the only Independent One. At the end of the day I am creature, and I am creative solely because I have been made to be creative. We have been created to create; it’s a part of being made in His (the Creator’s) image.  It is good for us to guard against pride and make sure to give God credit, but we can take this logic too far and inadvertently deny God some of the glory He is due.

If God gave me the “cool idea” I had, the poem I wrote, this blog post, did He give me the burrito I made for lunch? Technically the answer is ‘yes.’ Without getting into the details like: money, time, mind, food, we have the fundamental truth that I exist, the world exists, I have hands for folding burritos, and the very concept of burritos all because of God. No God, no burritos. It’s a perk of being Independent; everything else depends upon you.

The reason phrases like “God gave me a …” make me nervous is that it seems to deny any involvement on our part. “I did not write this worship song, God gave it to me” begins to sound

less like cooperative creativity and more like possession; I did not have anything to do with it, God just gave it to me. In truth God does not want worship songs, sermons, paintings, etc. apart from the people who have created them. If God wanted a song to exist He does not need anyone else; He imagined light, He can make a song manifest all by Himself. Rather than using us as some sort of printing press for His awesome ideas, God wants to create with us and through us. God did not need David to have psalms written; God delighted in His relationship with David. Please do not misunderstand this as some denial of the Divine authorship of Scripture, it’s not. God does not love and have a personal relationship with Psalm 119, but He does with David.

The term “agency” used in stories to describe characters who have the ability to effect the plot, and important characters usually have significantly more agency than random extra #8. God, being independent, is the source of all agency. He is also a good storyteller which means He has created us to be more than mere puppets He can manipulate as He sees fit. Relationship with God is not fatalistic or mechanistic; instead God in His goodness has granted me some agency on the world around me. I can create things. For His glory.

Furthermore any demeaning of human creativity denies God some of His glory. Our ability to be creative, to have agency, is one of God’s most glorious creations. We as humans have made a lot of things, we have created machines which would appear to be very fatalistic if one considers the point of view of a toaster; but we have not made something which can itself create. But God has. He alone has, which makes Him pretty awesome and worthy of a lot of glory.

So let us glorify our awesome and Independent Creator by reflecting His creativity with our own.

My New Year's Resolution is Learning to Grieve Better (part 2)

This post continues my new year’s resolution of learning to grieve. I began writing about grief with my own grief because it is important first grapple with this before I consider engaging with anyone else’s. If I cannot process my own grief I am likely to be a burden to those around me who are grieving, and there are people around me who are hurting. This world is a broken place, it is inevitable we and people we love will hurt and grieve.

My experience is most of us do not know how to healthily grieve, at least not well enough. I want to learn better how to process life when it is horrific, and I want to be able to help others when they are experiencing the same. In grief, in the midst of our raw emotions, we need each other, and we have the unique opportunity to meet this head on. 

I think it is important we own our grief when it comes; to be willing and comfortable to acknowledge when we are in the agony of grief. We need to also be able to help others acknowledge their grief. In general I find we are really uncomfortable with other’s pain. It makes us very uneasy.

When Emily and I were first married a lesson I had to learn (and am still learning) is that it is okay for Emily to be upset. I cannot always fix the problem. Acting or attempting to resolve the problem and working until I have does not solve the problem. All it accomplishes is make Emily feel unheard, stifled, and controlled by my inability to allow her to be upset. Sometimes we need to be honest and upset, and we need to allow others the freedom to be upset. If this is challenging over minor issues, we know it will be amplified several orders of magnitude with grief.

Well intended words like "everything happens for a reason" and "she's in a better place" are garbage. They help no one. They only speak to someone’s discomfort with another’s grief. Good intentions are nice, but if we are serious about helping others, being there for others, we need to not settle for good intentions. God's Kingdom is not built with good intentions. When we have loss, when we have grief, we need to be honest and process through it. Well intended words invalidate the suffering and grief of others. Doing so harms the person and does not build the Kingdom of God. Emotional suppression is not healthy, and Jesus came so we might be "whole/holy". I do not mean to condemn those who offer up such well meant words, but I do mean to call us to do better and seek to truly help people.

Instead of offering vague words I want to be there. To sit with others in the midst of the storm, when everything sucks, and cry with them. No one wants my empty words. I think honestly the best thing I can offer is my presence. To be there. To listen. If they want to talk we will talk; if they want to sit in silence we will sit in silence. Maybe I can try making food, perhaps I should learn a few casserole recipes to have in my repertoire for when the need arises.

My New Year's Resolution is Learning to Grieve Better (part 1)

This year I have a new year's resolution, and it sounds odd, but I want to learn to grieve better.  Weird right?  It all started at a Christmas Eve service in a cemetery and Christmas day away from family.

I want to learn to grieve well not because I am necessarily poor at it (thought I do have a lot to learn) but because I have found grief to be among life’s guarantees (like taxes and needing to eat food even when I don’t want to).  Grief is nebulous, both in experience and its source.  My greatest experience of grief has been the death of my grandmother, but I am currently experiencing grief for the loss of my native culture and time with family.  It feels odd to admit this and to use the same English word and emotional turmoil to describe these two subjects, but my feelings are probably more indicative of my own immature views of grief than the nature of grief itself.

Grief is not a sign of weakness or unhappiness.  I have been surprised how much I have grieved living in France, especially this holiday season.  I mean we’re living in France!  If this is not a dream life I don’t know what is (and it is an absolute dream), but grief is not mutually exclusive to other emotions.  We humans must give ourselves credit for being complicated enough to feel more than only happy or sad or bored at any one moment in time.  I am coming to terms with the fact a grieving process is part of cultural acclimation.

Beyond grieving for the comfortable and familiar back home, where I can do mundane tasks like buy toilet paper without culture-stress, this holiday season has the added grief of being away from family at a special time of year.  We were visited by all the emotions and memories of Christmas past. 

For Christmas Emily and I spent five days in Salzburg adventuring in castles, cathedrals, and the Christmas market; it was a magical time.  I will always look back fondly upon this unique opportunity.  But we also grieved being away from our families this Christmas.  To help each other Emily and I traded stories of holiday traditions and memories.  While skype (even with a poor internet connection) was a huge blessing, there is no replacement for being physically present with loved-ones and there’s no point in pretending there is.  Such pretending is exactly the thing I want to learn not to do.

So we took time to be sad and allow ourselves and each other to be sad.  There were good reasons to feel so.  All this has me thinking about grief and how I handle my own as well as the grief of others (which I will explore in future blog posts).  I want to ponder and learn about grief this year.

A Going Away Party for Who?

 

Emily and I will be moving to Grenoble France on October 28th (6 days from now).  It's a crazy story that has led us to this point, and I know the truly thrilling part is just about to begin.  We will keep you posted, don't worry the internet works in France too.

Last Saturday evening we had a going away party with our Sacramento friends, and it was a really wonderful time to see dear people we have missed as we've been preparing.  Being an extrovert I did not want the evening to end.  As the night progressed I realized this party was not just for Emily and I.

During my seven years in Davis and the last three in Sacramento I have watched as many good friends have come and gone off to do wild and crazy things.  This is a wonderful reality, and I have always been happy for my friends, but the truth is it's hard to be the one remaining behind.  Those leaving have new adventures and new worlds to immerse themselves in, while those left have a world now diminished.

Having time to celebrate together is important; those leaving need it, but those left need it too.  Moving away without saying good bye can be easy for those moving because it avoids the dreaded task of having to say good bye to everyone.  Making time to say good bye and to celebrate friendships is a way to honor those relationships and provide those left behind with some mark of closure.

I have really appreciated every going away party in which I have been able to wish the adventurer the best, and I was glad to have the opportunity to provide others with this as well.

Friends and family, you make life wonderful.  We cherish the memories we have, and look forward to adventures to come.

Music theorist vs. Musician

In college I had two majors: music composition and microbiology.  Of these two degrees music was the more challenging of the two, because rather than simply studying and regurgitating information it required my synthesis of new musical scores and performances.

I thoroughly enjoyed my study of music, but I found my biggest handicap was my lack of musicianship.  To be honest I hate practicing (still do).  Most of my friends in the music department would ideally spend 4-6 hours at the piano or with their violins.  I get bored after 15 minutes, about when I am actually warmed up.  As I learned more as a composer, I realized music theory is no substitute for playing an instrument.  The theory is fascinating, but music is ultimately about performance. It is only when played by a musician, in real time, the countless notes I have written come alive.

Furthermore the validity of academic study of music theory is ultimately derived from the performance of music, both those creating music (musician) and those receiving music (audience/other musicians).  Music theory is proved when the average person can pick up an instrument and over time discover everything taught in the classroom.  Music is art, meaning it should express thoughts, ideas, and emotions which are understood by people, and music is subjective.  With these two qualities come certain risks for educational institutions focused on this subject.  If academia makes statements and preferences about music and music theory which the common person cannot understand or agree with, then the institution has lost its ability to properly engage with people and culture.

Jesus is a musician.  What I mean is Jesus did not come to teach us a new philosophy or to theorize about God’s Kingdom.  Instead Jesus came to Earth, embodied God's Kingdom, and lived a sinless life for us.  Now He welcomes us to join His orchestra and participate.

We have to be careful not to become only Jesus theorists.  It can be easy to convince ourselves because we know the proper theology, ecclesiology, or missiology this somehow qualifies as faith.  The problem is Jesus is not some theory and God's Kingdom is not mere ideas or ideals.  Following His example I have to actually live out my faith.  I enjoy studying theology and see great fruit from it, but only as I am able to apply it in my life.  Faith is not knowledge; a living faith requires action and an embodiment of God's Kingdom.  As scripture describes it, "faith by itself, if it has no works, is dead" (James 2:17).

As individuals we need to be careful not to settle for theory alone, and we as the Church need to guard against this as well.  Just as academia can lose its purpose by isolating itself from people, the Church too can become the haunt of theorists and those already members of the Church.  It is not enough to love the poor in theory.  Instead we need to focus upon engaging with people; reaching out, expressing our faith, and loving the others whom Jesus deeply loves.  We have been called to join God’s ministry of reconciliation, and our mission is to do just this.

If my writing, if our reading, praying, and listening to sermons only increases our Jesus theory and not our embodiment of God's Kingdom, we are wasting our time.

So let us go practice living like Jesus in His Kingdom here on Earth.  I don't know about you, but I feel I am just getting warmed up

Bone Marrow Donation: Two Year Anniversary

May 12th 2011 was a big day in my life.  Several years ago I entered the National Bone Marrow registry, and I have since been occasionally called to do some lab work and see if I am a genetic match for someone needing a bone marrow transplant.  The registry supplies transplants for across the world.

The crazy thing about a bone marrow transplant is they are risky.  The genetic match must be much closer than even organ transplants because the transplanted marrow forms the recipient's new immune system.  If this new immune system rejects the host, known as graft-verses-host disease, the recipient will die and there is nothing modern medicine can do to help.  Even now with the best of our technology 10% of bone marrow recipients die within the first 100 days of acute g-vs-h.  Because bone marrow transplants are so risky they are a last ditch effort.

In the spring of 2011 I was determined to be the genetic match for a woman, and we began the "work up" process to prepare us both for the donation/receiving.  On May 12th 2011 I donated approximately a quart of marrow.  And she lived!!  Praise the Lord she lived.  After a year I have had the opportunity to speak with my recipient and we have exchanged a few cards (which has been so fun).

We just celebrated the two year anniversary of my donation.  What blows my mind is the fact she is alive because of the marrow I gave. Yes it was scary going into the donation and painful coming out, but the fear and pain were temporary.  I was on pain meds for a few days, it hurt to bend at my waist for a week, I could not run for a month; but then I was fine.  4-6 weeks after my donation my body regrew all my bone marrow.  Two months after the only evidence on my body were two tiny scars on my hips.  And a woman is alive because of this.  My temporary pain gave her a new shot at life.  This woman will hopefully get decades of life off of my marrow in her bones.  How awesome is that?!  And it affects her family too.  I just learned she is able to see her daughter graduate from nursing school this month.  Two years ago she did not think she would be alive to see this, and now her daughter gets to have her mother at her graduation because of a simple donation.

This reminds me of Jesus, who endured the agony of the Cross (much worse than bone marrow donation) so that we might have an opportunity at life.  He willingly and gladly endured the Cross to give humanity the opportunity to be saved.  Jesus knew the cost and He knew we were worth it.  How awesome is that?  We have life, hope, joy, and love because He said the temporary pain was worth it.

Jesus is so good.

Christmas is over, now what?

We are now over one month post-Christmas and life has settled back into our normal routines.  Life continues like nothing happened.  But something did happen; we celebrated Christmas and the mysteries of Emmanuel and the Incarnation.  The whole course of human history changed with Jesus's missions trip to Earth.

If Christmas is not a Civil War reenactment and Jesus has truly come into the world, my life today should look different than it did on 12/24/2012.  But how?  Now what?

We must allow the truth of Jesus' coming, dying, and resurrecting to permeate our lives.  Every aspects; every nook and cranny.  We have to live with the truth our world and our lives will never be the same, nor should we allow ourselves to complacently think so.

Where to begin?  When Jesus was about ready to beam back up to Heaven in Acts 1 He lays out the next stage in His plan for global domination/reconciliation saying "You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in all of Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." (Acts 1:8).  We see Peter in John 21 trying to go back to fishing, to his old life.  But Jesus follows him there and calls Peter back into the identity Jesus has for him.  Instead of returning to our old lives of 2012 let us seek Holy Spirit and God's power to be His witnesses here, there, and the world.

With this call to be Jesus's witnesses we cannot afford to stay in our Jerusalems.  I don't want to sonud too dramatic, but the Greek word for "witness" is "martyr", and our call is to martyrdom in whatever forms this may take.  Sharing the Gospel is risky.  It has always been risky.  It will always be risky.  We cannot wait for a "better opportunity" because such a thing will never come.

If we are truly honest with ourselves and with God, we will realize God loves us and God cares about us, but God also loves and cares about everyone else around the world too.  God in His goodness never promised His disciples safety.  Jesus never guaranteed comfort.  In fact He assures us of quite the opposite (Mt 24:9-14, Mk 13:9-13, Lk 21:12-19).  But Jesus did promise to be with us.  "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" (Mt 28:20).  We may lose in life, we may suffer, but we will never be abandoned.  This is the mystery of Emmanuel; even now in 2013 God is still with us.

My motivation is not based on a guilt-trip, it is rooted in my Jesus who is with me.  He has called us not only to be reconciled with Him, but also to be agents of reconciliation.  We are Christ's ambassadors to this world (2 Cor 5:19-20).

We have to take the Gospel to the world.  We have to live to see God's Kingdom advanced.  This Advent season the Lord continually reminded me of the billions of people on Earth who have never heard of Jesus's first Advent.  We have to see the Gospel taken to the unreached people groups and the far corners of the globe.  Jesus said the "Gospel of the Kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations(ethnic groups), and then the end will come." (Mt 24:14) and we need to take His statement seriously.

May your 2013 be an excellent and Jesus-y year.  May this year not be just another lap around the Sun, but see God's Kingdom come and His will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

E. coli and Multigenerational Thinking

I love bacteria (mostly).  We can learn a lot from these little bugs, about Biochemistry and a couple Theological metaphors too.  Today we will look at our friend (most of the time) Escherichia coli (E. coli).  E. coli and the Apostle Paul both have the same idea about replication and discipleship.

An often under-appreciated component of our faith and the proper functioning of a church body is the raising up of new leaders.  Leaders demonstrate a lot of their vision for the Church by how they work to raise up new leaders.  A "God-sized vision" is bigger than any of us.  No one person is the answer to what and where God is leading His people, globally and also locally.

A proper stewardship of God's call/gifting to leadership is illustrated by a person's ability to pass the baton and allow others to step in to be a part of God's process.  Not only does this help guard us against the aptitude of power to corrupt, but it also prepares the community for when a specific leader leaves.  All of us within the body of Christ are replaceable, and must be, because God's work of redemption on Earth is greater than any of us.  Are our leaders, and we as leaders, working to prepare our replacements?

The book of Judges is a story of failed leadership.  Over and over we see this cycle of failure and bondage which stems from the leaders' inability to raise up the next generation of leaders.  Before Judges we see Moses lead God's people.  Moses discipled Joshua, and when Moses dies Joshua is prepared to take over (Deuteronomy 34:9, Joshua 1:).  We see is Judges 2:7 Joshua too raised up other leaders after himself.  The breakdown in leadership, which sets the stage for the entire book of Judges, comes in Judges 2:10 "After that whole generation had been gathered to their ancestors, another generation grew up who knew neither the LORD nor what he had done for Israel".

If this is the problem, the answer, according to Paul and E. coli, is a multigenerational view of replication.

The whole life-cycle of an E. coli cell takes 60 minutes to complete, but under ideal circumstances E. coli cells are able to divide ever 20 minutes1.  E. coli achieves this rate of replication by reinitiating DNA replication before the previous round of replication finishes.  Within a given cell we see "mother" chromosome, "daughter" chromosome, as well as "granddaughter" chromosome2.  For optimal growth E. coli has to think beyond the daughter generation and onto the granddaughter generation.

The Apostle Paul had the same idea.  In his final letter to Timothy, his primary disciple, Paul writes in 2 Timothy2:2 "the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others."  Within this one sentence we see Paul describe four generations of leaders; Paul, Timothy, reliable people, and others.  Paul understood for the First Century Church to grow and persist it was crucial to have a multigenerational mindset.  This remains true of the Church even today.

As Paul writes and E. coli shows, let us grasp and practice the work of multigenerational thinking.  As my father-in-law and veteran church planting coach Kevin Sutter puts it, our goal should be to train up others and "work yourself out of a job."3

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1. Ingraham, John L. et al.  Microbe.  ASM Press. 2006. p.172.

2. Crooke, E. et al. Organization of sister origins and replisomes during multifork DNA replication in Escherichia coli. PubMed. 2007.

3. Sutter, Kevin.  Keys to Church Planting Movements. 2006. p. 63.

Ideas v. people

Do we love the Church or do we merely love the idea of the Church?

What happens when our concept of someone, our expectations, our projection of who they are does not match up with reality?  What happens when we fail to live up to each other's expectations?  I will surely fail you all at some point; I probably already have.  And the Church will do the same.

Do we believe in the Church, or just the idea of Church?

I have to ask myself this question a lot.  In part this is because my job as a campus pastor requires me to.  As a leader I am helping guide a community of faith (in my case college students), and to effectively lead I must have an understanding of what this community is called to do and be.  I have heard it said (cannot remember the source) a pastor must lead two churches, the church existing now, and the church this community is becoming.  But the gap between these two churches can be frustrating.

So do I love college students, or do I merely love the idea of college students?

But this question about loving the Church is not just for vocational ministers, but for everyone in the Body of Christ.  We all need to be asking ourselves this; to be a follower of Jesus means to be a part of the Church.

The idea of Church is neat and exciting; it is balanced, void of ego, and clean.

The reality of Church is exciting and messy, full of broken people and crying babies.  We often think the chaos of life gets in the way of our faith, when in fact our faith is truly lived in the midst of, not despite, the messiness and unpredictability of life.  If your problem with Church has to do with people no denomiation, para-church organization, or worship model will be able to solve your issue.  We are not called to merely love and serve those who are easy to love and serve.

I have known people who love the concept of Church; who love to theorize about the fullness of Church and contemplate all which the Church is called to be.  But I have also known people so fixated on these ideas and ideals that no real church has ever been enough, and they have not participated in a community of faith.

Church is more challenging in practice than in theory.  You have to get your hands dirty to be a part of it.  We have to engage with others in the fullness of our humanity, weakness, and sin.  I have begun to see all those inconveniences which have bothered me, which were so disruptive to the sanctity of the moment, are in fact the reality of Church.  Church is not a perfect worship service.  Church is not a deeply contemplative moment.  Church is living our lives and our faith together with others; where we are free to be open and honest, even if we disturb each other's peace at times.  We love the idea of individual faith.  Autonomy is so appealing.  But we have not been created or called to walk this out alone.  We need each other.  I need you.  And life lived with others is so much better.

It is hard to love the Church at times.  I can get discouraged by students' lack of maturity or commitment.  Because I am called to help encourage and support students in becoming who God has created them to be, I can get frustrated when students do not live up to their calling.

In spite of all this, our call is not to the idea of Church, but to the practice of Church.  Faith lived out in community.

Do You Bail Water or Abandon Ship?

I believe in the Church.  It may be increasingly popular not to.  There is a lot of criticism and cynicism revolving around the Church.

Such feelings are understandable.  Many people have been burned by the Church whether through legalism, hypocrisy, or abuse of authority.  And I cannot blame anyone for these feelings.

There also seems to be a growing conviction our faith is something personal and solitary.  Why would I need others to be involve in my private spirituality?  While I agree about the importance of individual faith and personal salvation, I do not believe it negates the very real need for others.  Our faith is not our own at the expense of involving community.

Past wounds coupled with an over-emphasis on the individuality of faith can produce a very anti-Church sentiment.

Given the fallen state of things and the brokenness of the Church we have to ask ourselves if we will bail water or abandon ship?  With the reality of our situation what will we do?  Do we fight on?  Do we jump ship?  Will we work to help build the Church into who God has designed us to be or will we give up?

It is important we ask ourselves our expectations of the Church.  Why does it surprise us when the Church acts like a bunch of broken people?  We are all in progress.  I am a hypocrite, not for lack of effort, but because the goal set before me and my current level of sanctification are not equal.  I have to be honest about my short-comings, while keeping my eyes upon Jesus.  The Church is not a place for perfect people, there are none.  The Church is a home for the sick and hurting.  Can we give the Church enough grace to be the Church?

Life is not a solitary experience.  Our faith, while personal, has never been intended to be lived alone.  In fact isolation was the first "not good" thing in all of Creation, "it is not good for man to be alone" (Gen 2:18).  Too much of scripture testifies to our corporate design.  Heb 10:24-25 exhorts meeting together and encouraging each other to grow in our faith.  1 Cor 12:12-27 and Rom 12:4-8 both describe how we as a body are to function together.

We in the Church need each other.  I am not autonomous; I cannot do this on my own.  Often we have this "American dream" view of faith which is not Biblical and is not real.  Life is full of hurt and challenges, and we need each other to stand firm.  I have seen too many friends walk away from their faith not because of Theological problems, not because of inconsistency, not because of imperfections, but because of a lack of community.

Something greater happens when we come together; in community there is power beyond the sum of each of us.  Corporate worship is not just about meeting at a regular time or socializing after service, but is about the Body of Christ coming together to grow and uplift and re-calibrate ourselves to be better equipped for going out into this dark and broken world.

Ultimately I believe in the Church because Jesus believes in the Church.  He has wept, bled, and died for the Church.  Jesus would not have come to earth, been rejected by people He loves, and died painfully on the cross if He did not believe we were worth it.  Similarly He would not have left His ministry of reconciliation (2 Cor 5:18-20) to us if He did not believe in the Church.  

Grace is not a one shot opportunity; Jesus did not give us just one second-chance but instead opened the door for us to come home.  I may want to limit how much I forgive the Church, but Jesus in His infinite forgiveness of my sins has not called me to be limited in forgiveness.

Instead may we also sacrifice for the bride whom Christ has declared to be worth it.

The Myth of Utopia and Why I Don't Live There (yet)

This world is a broken place, there is not much use in denying it.  I am broken.  And I am honestly more broken than I realize (or want to admit).

But what do we do in the face of such brokenness?  How do we respond?  What options do we have?

One option is the idea of utopia.  The world is broken?  We can fix that.  Look at all that humanity has overcome.  Society, technology, medicine.  We killed Smallpox!  We have built cities, written constitutions, formed elaborate systems of civilization.  Life expectancy, quality of life, so many mountains we have scaled.    This world is ours to steward, and we will subdue it (Gen 1:28-29), this is our Manifest Destiny.  What holds us back from achieving this dream?

Us

me

Because despite all our accomplishments, we cannot save us from ourselves.  The factor in any hypothetical situation which leads to the inevitable downfall of a utopia is always the human element.  The laws of Physics, Bio-chemistry, etc. can be mastered and manipulated, but in any scenario humanity always finds a way to be its undoing.  Left to my own devices I am as selfish as ever.

Yet we still try to be our own salvation.  Legalism thrives on the belief I can fix myself.  Religion encourages it.  The idols of human logic and Secular Humanism worship it too.  At times I find this idea alluring.  But utopia is a myth.  And I would not fit in.

But what shall we do in the face of such brokenness?  If we cannot fix ourselves what hope is there?  Many understandably give up.  What else can we do?  Sure we can try, but either we deceive ourselves or we will eventually grow too weary from trying.

And here we find the critical junction.  What do you do then? Everything hangs upon what we do next.  We can collapse into depression and eventual destruction.  Or we can call out to Him who can save us from us.

I have found that many of my most broken moments are my most peaceful moments.   Brokenness leads to dependency, which leads to intimacy, and intimacy brings "a peace which surpasses all understanding" (Phil 4:7).  My hope for salvation and utopia is not in myself.  It is God alone who is redeeming and reconciling the world back to Himself.  And in His infinite goodness He lets us join the fun.  So we cannot save ourselves, but we can partner with Him who can (2 Cor 5:18-20).

a lesson in herbs: Leaves and Fruit (inspired by Tad)

Over a year ago I started an herb garden in our apartment.  I chose herbs because they are edible.  This is my chili pepper plant.  As you may notice it has a lot of leaves and only one little white flower.  I will probably not harvest a lot off this pepper plant.

I recently had the privilege to eat lunch with my friend Tad.  In the course of hanging out we discussed the fact as Americans we focus a lot upon goals and achievements.  We often determine an endeavor successful based upon the yield.  This crosses over into ministry as well.  How many people came to our event, do we have more small groups than last year, are we building moment etc.  And this is okay, fruit is a good thing.  Jesus Himself talks about "the harvest".

As Tad pointed out the problem comes when we only look at the fruit.  Yes, success is exciting, new people is encouraging, but we forget a plant only bears fruit in a season.  The rest of the year the plant is absorbing light, water (both, as Tad mentioned, have huge metaphorical values) etc.  We look at the fruit only, and forget the rest of the plant which sustains the fruit.  This is why Jesus tells us to abide (John 15:5).  But even here the danger is we will see abiding as a formula for success.

Our desire to bear fruit should stem from seeking to obediently follow God.  And our desire for obedience should stem from a submission and surrender to God.  His love and His worthiness should be what inspires our obedience.  When I was in sin over my head my God died for me and justified me by His blood (Romans 5:8-11).  He rose to new life, victorious over sin and death, and has called me to follow Him.  Because God loves me, I desire to obey Him.  But our culture of success and achievement believes instead because I obey God, God should love me.  An obsession with fruit is dangerous because it can warp our understanding of grace by faith.

Instead of earning our merit, earning our fruit, we need to abide in Him.  He is our source and our success.  Once we are rooted in Christ next we need to take steps of preparation.  We need to put out leaves of prayer, organization, community, etc.  Planning and preparation are needed for long term growth.  An ardent but impatient attitude will yield unripe fruit.  Just as the plant requires leaves and roots before producing anything, we have to build ourselves and our ministries with the proper infrastructure to do so too.  We have to understand it will not be the successes, but persistence, which carries us through the long seasons between harvests.  Seasons of reaping, seasons of planting, tending, etc. are all a part of the rhythms of our temporal existence.  We cannot skip steps and simply go from harvest to harvest; to do so we will only be sowing burn-out.  Sabbaths, rhythms, and structures are necessary for longevity.  

Let us not despise the season of preparation between harvests and let us not neglect our leaves.  Let us abide in Christ, that we may bear good fruit.