A Year Since We Returned, But I Never Came Home

It’s been a year since Emily and I left Grenoble France and returned to our native California. There have been a lot of ups and downs in this process of repatriation. It has been wonderful regularly seeing family; there is no substitute for proximity. Reverse culture shock is no joke.

We returned a year ago, but I never came “home” to the place I once knew. I came back changed and I came back to a changed California. Three years had passed, and though we had been back to visit, some of the changes were too subtle to notice during these short returns. It’s a bit like the uncanny valley if you are familiar with the term. There are idioms and pop-culture references we have had to catch up on. Our home culture did not pause while we were away.

Reverse culture shock is a strange experience. I have felt like an outsider in my home. I remember being surprised with how big the cars and the roads are here. My Honda accord would be a big car in France, and it is dwarfed by some of the trucks and SUV’s driving around our ten lane freeways. Also, there is always music playing. Everywhere. I remember feeling very unsettled when there was pop music blasting at the grocery store. Why is there music while I’m buying food? The worst is at restaurants. It is sometimes impossible to have a conversation because the music is not just present but drowning out all other sound. As Americans, are we so afraid of boredom or awkward silence? But as we have been back, these acute moments of culture shock have mostly subsided (a few weeks ago I did find myself confused why the store only sold 10-gallon trash bags instead of 30-liter ones).

I love being close to family and our friends here; we have missed seeing so many wonderful people. It has been wonderful to catch up on important relationships in our lives. I love where we live now, but my heart still longs for Grenoble. After 990 days of living in Grenoble, we had established our home, for the most part, in this city. We had our routines, our habits, and our favorite shops and cafés. We knew how to get around town and take care of various tasks. We loved living in Grenoble so much, and this beautiful city, capital of the French Alps, will forever have a special place in our hearts. I miss being surrounded by mountains. I miss our friends. I miss walking down the street to my favorite boulangerie and buying fresh pastries and bread. I miss being surrounded by people speaking French and the opportunity to be immersed in a new culture, though it was exhausting to be an outsider. Most of all, the opportunity to work and learn from Mark, Dalene, and so many others there, has changed me for the better. I will never stop missing these friends and our time together in the alps.

We left one home for another and returned to the first with my sense of home divided between these two locales. I don’t know if I can be fully at home in either place now. The answer is not simply move back to France (we are not), because I would miss my family, friends, and my home in California. But I am also not fully content to be here either. At first, this sense of wandering between homes left me feeling lost. I have come to accept it as my new norm, a part of processing and my life building upon our time in Grenoble. This realization has helped me accept the desire to only be where God has us for that time. So I am learning to be content with feeling like native and a foreigner, and being excited and sad to be in California and away from Grenoble. And I rejoice to live where God has for us.

To our friends and family, near and far, we love you. Our lives are richer because you are a part of it. I hope that you too will be content to follow God wherever He leads you.

Living cross-culturally part 2.

This is my second post on living cross-culturally. See the first post here.

Besides the humbling process of being the guest in a foreign country, in our case France, living cross-culturally has helped humble me by bringing to light some of the sin and spiritual junk inside me. It is amazing all that we can keep bottled up and under control when we are living at home in the world we have grown up in, but take that level of comfort away, expose yourself to the endless drain of culture stress, and it is amazing what flaws and fears will bubble up to the surface. With the loss of cultural fluency and the ensuing powerlessness in the host culture, these character weaknesses are revealed. I believe this process has very little to do with the host country. France has been our crucible, but any country or place sufficiently different from our native lands will suffice for this process. While this is a hard process to endure, refinement always is, it is good. Exposing these faults to the light allows us to humbly surrender them to Holy Spirit’s work of sanctification. One example that God has shown me while in France is my anxiety.

779 days ago before we left for France, I would not have described myself as an anxious person. Today I have seen what a deep issue this was for me. The loss of my home culture created a profound awareness of my lack of control. This spurred in me the belief I had to control anything and everything I could. The only way to ensure something would work was to control for every detail possible. My anxiety drove me to control what I could and stress over the variables I could not. I had trouble falling asleep or waking in the middle of the night worrying. ‘What if I am missing some necessary piece of paperwork to renew our visas and our applications are denied and then we have to flee the country or face becoming illegal immigrants but we cannot find a way home so we are stuck living in some remote airport for all eternity?’ My mind would play these scenarios over and over. And once that crisis was over I would find a new subject to dwell on in the night: buying train tickets, finding someone to translate for me at an event, making it on time somewhere, paying taxes, etc.

But God was good and He began to work in me with regards to my anxiety. He first revealed that my anxiety stemmed from the belief that God was only with me on the macro scale; I knew He would be faithful with big picture things, but what about the day-to-day events? God had called us to France but what if that turned out to include a season where we had to wait in administrative purgatory until our papers were processed because of a mistake I made? I knew God loved me, but how did I know if I would be able to go home on vacation and see my family? Did I have a guarantee for such a small thing, and if not how could I ensure things worked out as I wanted? I believed I had to control these details.

Slowly God worked in me; through prayer and continuous laying down of my fears He eased my anxieties and showed Himself to be faithful both on the macro and micro scales. Because we have lived in France so long, I have been able to measure the progress of God’s transformation in me. We have had to renew our French visas twice now. The first time, a year ago, I was an emotional wreck and everything went fine. This year we had some hiccups with paperwork, had to come back a few weeks later and reapply, but I had God’s peace the entire time.

Surrendering my worry and trusting God continues to be an active choice I make; it is not yet “natural” for me, but God is faithful to walk with me through this process. Last week as we waited to pick up our new visa cards I felt the urge to worry what if the cards were not ready, and if not would that affect our ability to go home this Christmas? But I was able to brush these thoughts aside, to not allow them any headroom, and remind myself God was with me. I am learning to rely on God’s goodness and faithfulness, and I have been changed by His work in me.

I say all this to show a surprising benefit to living cross-culturally and share how God is using my circumstances to draw me into a deeper relationship with Him. How is God using your circumstances to change you? How have you seen the progress He is making?

Living cross-culturally part 1.

Emily and I arrived in France 767 days ago. Be sure to check out my photo-a-day blog. Living in France has been an incredible experience, one that has eternally changed me. It has been one of the most transformative choices we have made. It has been one of the most challenging choices we have made. I have learned so much from our time here, working with truly incredible people, and living in this wonderful place. And the bread here has ruined me for bread outside of France.

Our experience has been exactly what many other missionaries living in Europe had told us: living cross-culturally is extremely hard and you never get over culture-stress. Culture shock is the sense of confusion and frustration that engulfs someone when the "honeymoon” period of living in a new place fades. It is the utter disbelief at how another culture could function so differently from your home culture. Why can't people form a line to wait for the bus or the cashier? How is it possible in Grenoble, a metropolitan area of 500,000 people, for only one branch of our bank to accept cash deposits? The branch on campus opened our bank accounts, sold us renter's insurance, gave us our debit cards, PINs, and chequebooks, but the teller (not the atm) could not accept the 20€ I wanted to deposit for activating my new account. Instead, I had to go to the main branch in downtown to deposit cash. Thankfully, culture shock does pass; it takes time and perseverance, but it does not last forever. 

Culture stress is the fact that I am a Californian living in Grenoble, the fact that I am the stranger in a foreign land. Anytime there is a misunderstanding or conflict, it is the French culture which wins. I understand that it would be ridiculous of me to expect the French people around me to conform to my American ways. But it is hard that every day, with every misstep, I am the one who is wrong. It can be upsetting when, on top of the normal stresses of life, a cultural mishap thwarts your plans and leaves you feeling ridiculed for your cultural ineptitude. Someone is rude toward you and it's your fault for creating the awkward opportunity for them to be rude. It is not about logic or reason, it comes down to the fact that I am not at home here and everyone knows it the moment I open my mouth. Culture stress is described as a low-grade fever you never get over, and I must confess that after 767 days that is how it feels. I know that in time, perhaps on the order of years or decades, this fades away. 

One of the fruits of living here in France is the humbling process of culture stress. Being the person who does not know the culture, the language, or the customs puts you in a very dependent position. I need others to help me if only to verify that what I said in French actually makes sense. Being the outsider wears on you over time. The choices become either never leave your house, leave France, or humble yourself to your host culture. Humility is a hard concept to learn, I am very much still in progress, but living as a stranger in France has helped me along in this process. It has also made me extremely appreciative of the rare person who is kind and understanding toward me; who is patient with my less than perfect French skills, and who puts in extra effort to help me navigate life here. When we return to California, I want to find every opportunity to be like these gracious people and help others who are strangers and outsiders.

"Copy and Paste" and Intra-Biblical quotations

Have you ever read a passage in the New Testament, perhaps in the writings of Paul or Matthew, where the author quotes a passage from the Old Testament, but when you compared the New Testament quotation with the original source you found slight variations in the wording? For example, the Luke 4 quotation from Isaiah 61: (red added to show differences)

Lk 4: 18-19 (NIV)

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
    because he has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
    and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free,
   to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

Isa 61:1-2a (NIV)

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,
 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

Should the New Testament authors have not been more careful when quoting the Old Testament? Because the Bible is God’s word, shouldn’t we be extra vigilant to get our wording right? What’s the deal?

The good news is there is a logical explanation for these “loose” standards of quotation, and ultimately the word variations between Old Testament sources and New Testament quotations, while it may give nuance to the passages, do not change the meanings especially when the passages are viewed as a whole and not by word count.

The reason why the New Testament authors were not as “precise” in their citing of the Old Testament reflects a difference between their first century Near Eastern culture and our own twenty-first century Western culture. It was sometime around the third century when the quotation mark was invented and the idea of exact, word for word quotation, began. By the societal standards of the day, the New Testament authors were being accurate in their quotation of Old Testament texts. The challenge for us now is understanding their standards of accuracy and our modern standards of accuracy are different. Today with modern technology I can copy and paste a paragraph, quote, or even an entire manuscript with complete confidence I am not forgetting a word or letter. Computers are really good at assisting with these kinds of tasks. Such luxury was not available to Paul. Neither was a personal copy of scripture; before the advent of the printing press copies of the Bible were too laborious and expensive for an individual to own.

It is fine for us to adhere to the standards of precision afforded to us by modern technology, but we should not be upset when we cannot impose our cultural value upon biblical texts written in the context of a different culture.

Response to "Prayer in C"

Today I thought I would share some thoughts, music theory, and theology from a song written by my friend Dora. Her song title "Prayer in C" is a response to the original song "Prayer in C" by the band Lilly Wood and the Prick.

The original lyrics speak of resentment toward God for His perceived silence and lack of involvement in the world. I was struck by the song's repeat lines "don't think I[singer] could forgive you[God]" and "don't think I could believe you."

In response to this catchy but cynical song, Dora wrote her own "Prayer in C". I love this idea. Too often when we encounter something we do not like: song, movie, philosophy, etc. we want to criticize or mock it; to play by the same rules which govern Junior High. Instead Dora created a new song. She did not agree with the ideas being told by original lyrics so she wrote her own to tell a different story. We need to engage with our culture, the arts, and the narratives we are being told.

(Scroll to the bottom to see the lyrics and chords to Dora's song)

Soteriology represented by F(major), a(minor), and e(minor)

Dora's song is written as a monologue to God and structured as two verses, chorus, a second two verses, and a repeat of the chorus. The first pair of verses and the chorus use the pronouns "You" (God) and "I"(the singer) to speaks of singer's personal experiences, while the second two verses shifts the first-person "I" to the plural "We" and addresses broader issues of the human condition.

The contrast between the verses and the chorus, created by alternating of these two sections, is further developed by lyrical distinction. The verses describe the thoughts of someone who, like the singer of the original song by Lilly Wood and the Prick, feels alone and abandoned by God while trying to make sense of life in this world. The first two verses begin with candid acknowledgment of the broken state of the world, whether considering either the spiritual or the natural realities. They also speak of a sense of, and perhaps desire for, independence and "to solve things myself". The lyrics also describe what such a self-sufficient mindset will inevitably result in. The first verse ends with "on my own strength I just got more blind," and in the second verse we see this leads to "learn[ing] to ignore you[God]." Building off these thoughts of the first set of verses, the second pair of verses discuss the condition of humanity apart from God. The lyrics assert that without God we lose our sense of identity, and our freedom 'to do as we please' becomes a prison.

The chorus talks of new life and hope found in God. The problems lamented in the verses, blindness and hardness of heart, are seen to be healed by God in the chorus. Unlike the verses which culminate with the words "there's no point to be", the chorus ends with the declaration God "truly changed my life." This contrast between the verses and the chorus, life with and without God, is further developed by the chords and the music theory of the song. The entire song is composed of only six chords: e minor, G Major, a minor, C Major, d minor, and F Major. These six chords are neighbors and relative Majors/minors around the circle of fifths (which is like the periodic table of elements for Music Theory).

Circle of 5th

By examining the chords of the song and comparing them with the lyrics, we see certain theological parallels emerge. We discover the F Major chord is the tonal focus of the song; it is the musical resolution which we are yearning for. The first occurrence of F Major happens on the first downbeat (strongest beat of a measure) of the chorus. Whereas the chords of the verses are predominantly minor and only weakly resolving, this first F Major in the chorus is the first strong resolution of the song. F Major is only found in the chorus, and in conjunction with the lyrics, represents our wholeness in God. After slogging through the confusion and unfulfilling tones of the verses we at last taste completion in F Major.

We also see that if F Major represents our fulfillment in God, e minor represents alienation from God. Of the six chords in the song, e minor is the chord furthest musically from F Major both around the circle of 5ths and by mode (Major/minor). E minor is also the most repeated chord in the verses, but is not present in the chorus. Throughout the verses we see chord pairs resolving toward e minor, and implicitly away from F Major. The progression from d minor to e minor in the second line of each verse presents us with a false attempt of resolving to G Major/e minor instead of F Major.

If F Major and e minor represent relationship and estrangement from God, respectively, then the a minor chord represents our current reality. A minor is the first chord of the song, the first and last chords of each verse, and the last chord of the chorus. It is present throughout the song,  and while it shares 2/3 of the tones with F Major chord (an a minor chord is composed of the notes A, C, and E but an F Major chord is constructed of F, A, C) it lacks the critical F pitch and instead contains an E pitch which is the leading tone (see note 1.) for F.

The chorus begins with F Major, a taste of fulfillment in God, but ends with a minor, reflecting our desire which is partially attained but not yet fully reached. We see throughout the song in the chorus, verse, and even the end that the song does not completely resolve. Just like each verse and each repetition of the chorus, the end of the song leaves us with a minor. We have experienced resolution, we have found what we sought in F Major, but we are not yet at rest there. Instead the song concludes unresolved, with us tempted to fall back in e minor and still yearning and struggling to find our home in God and F Major.

note 1. The leading tone is the note which wants to resolve to the tonic. This tension is what tonal music is based upon. Imagine singing a musical scale and then stopping on the second to last note, before returning to 'do'.

Prayer in  C 

 by Dora 

Verse 1            Am                              Em It’s a dark place where I come from                 Dm                Em I was searching for light                 C                     Em I had no help, on my own strength                 G             Am I just got more blind Verse 2  Am                Em I got angry couldn’t hear you Dm                    Em had to solve things myself C                    Em Slowly learned to ignore you G             Am but it made no sense    Chorus F                               C            You gave me new sight G                             Am convinced my heart F                              C your Word comes alive G                             Am it brings me new life F                              C You showed me your love G                             Am talked to my heart F                              C my only Lord my God G                             Am truly changed my life

Verse 3 Am                Em We can argue we can blame you Dm                    Em we can pretend not to see C                    Em we can’t catch you we don’t know who G             Am we’re meant to be  Verse 4 Am                Em we can all do what we want to Dm                    Em we think we break free C                    Em in our prison there’s no freedom G             Am there’s no point to be

Grief in France and thoughts on Charlie

            I first became aware of Charlie Hebdo when I heard about the terrorist attack on January 7^th. My initial response was unattached; twelve people dead is tragic, but tragedy happens all the time.

            But for my French friends around me it was not something to be unattached about, it was personal. It was an attack in their nation. It was the targeted assassination of well known and dearly loved public figures. I think this is inpart why the cry for solidarity has been “Je suis Charlie” (I am Charlie), because so many people can identify with those killed at Charlie Hebdo. I have heard stories of people who grew up reading comics and articles by those killed, whether published by Charlie Hebdo or in other magazines. Satire and the idea no subject is too sacred to escape mocking is a deeply held French value; it seems to date back at least to the writings of Voltaire and the Enlightenment which are both at the core of the French identity. Regardless of opinions concerning this freedom of speech, the attack on Charlie Hebdo feels like an assault on French values and culture. France is not my country, but it is my host country. French culture is not my culture, but it is my friends’ culture. So I want to stand with my friends and grieve this attack.

            My concern now is what the backlash will be. We panic when something as foundational as our culture or worldview is threatened. France is characterized by a unique brand of militant secularism known as laïcité which seeks to restrict the expression of personal beliefs in a public setting. This philosophy confronted with the large North African Muslim population now living within France has made anti-immigrant sentiments and questions of religious freedoms into hot topics of debate since before we arrived in France. I fear this new attack will only fuel the view religion is fundamentally incompatible with French culture, and spur a rise in actions against immigrants, specifically North-Africans, and Muslims. Already laïcité and Islamophobia place restrictions on religions of any sort.

            The Muslim community in France is as deeply grieved by this attack as the rest of the French people, but now bears the added weight put on them by political powers and mob mentality. Extremists, both those who plotted the attack as well as the National Front (the ultraconservative, nationalistic, and Islamophobic political party), want to use this attack to divide the people of France and further their agendas. They want to force Muslims to say either they condone Charlie’s images against Islam and condemn Wednesday’s attack, or they condemn the images and condone the attack. But this is a false dichotomy, and many Muslims feel caught in the middle. A Muslim friend of mine said he has been hurt three times now: first when Charlie Hebdo published their cartoons, second was the attack on Wednesday, and now a third time when people began saying all Muslims are terrorists.

            People have also begun spreading “Je ne suis pas Charlie” (I am not Charlie) on social media as a reaction to those killed at Charlie being viewed as martyrs of free speech. In the wake of this attack people are questioning and responding to the previous published works of Charlie Hebdo. The tension which erupted with the attack is still lingering and everyone is in a reactive mood. It has been noted social media polarizes people and viewpoints; we either agree 100% or we are opponents. People feel the need to critique and comment upon every single point of deviation they may have with another person’s thoughts. Add this to something has volatile as Charlie Hebdo, and we get a potential social media storm with overly defined and simplistic battle lines dividing people.

            This is missing the true need right now. Whether the past actions of those at Charlie Hebdo were wise, disrespectful, funny, or imprudent is not the issue. Twelve people are dead in what was an attack on a cultural value. We do not have to agree 100% with Charlie Hebdo’s policies to be grieved by this attack or to mourn with those around us. “Je ne suis pas Charlie” at worst seems to say those who died deserved it, and at best invalidates the grief of everyone affected by the attack. It may not be meant as invalidation of others' grief, but it is perceived as such, and I cannot agree with that. Now is not the time to ponder Charlie Hebdo’s policies, it is a time to mourn together. If you do not feel comfortable changing your profile picture to “Je suis Charlie” don’t, but please do not nullify another’s grief. Division will not bring peace; it will spark only violence and fear. Our only hope is that we can love others and work together through this.

            Please pray for France: pray for unity, peace, and understanding.

Viral Gospel Part 1.

The English word “Gospel” is powerful. Its etymological root is the ancient Greek word “εὐαγγέλιον” (euaggelion) which means “good news”. The history behind this word “euaggelion” is complicated and fascinating, and I will address this, and Jesus’s awesomeness, in Gospel Part 2. For now I want to focus on the idea the Gospel is like a virus.

A virus is composed of two components: the capsid and the nucleic acid (yes some viruses also have a membrane envelope, but for the sake of simplicity we will not concern ourselves with this). The nucleic acid within a virus can be either RNA or DNA and contains all the biological information, the identity, of the virus. The capsid is the protein shell of the virus and serves as the vehicle for transporting the nucleic acid and interacting with the virus’s environment. The formation of the capsid is directed by the nucleic acid.

With this in mind the Gospel, the unchanging truth of this message, is like the nucleic acid of a virus; it cannot be changed without fundamentally altering the identity of the virus. The capsid is the cultural expression of the Gospel and our faith; its role is to interact and adapt to the context. The resurrection is true and the Gospel is truth, but without embodiment or cultural expression nothing happens and no one hears the good news.

A problem facing our post-Christian culture is vaccination. The best way to prevent a virus is to vaccinate. Vaccines are created one of two ways: stripping the nucleic acid from the virus and chopping up the capsid, or mutating the nucleic acid and changing the identity to a weakened form. We live in a world which thinks it has tried and rejected Jesus, but for many people all they have experienced is a false gospel. These false gospels are misrepresentations of the Gospel and Jesus which I as a Christian have also rejected, but they can vaccinated others to the truth about Jesus. These vaccines can look like tradition and behavior; empty routines without the truth of the Gospel in them. A vaccine can also mirror Christianity, have all the trappings of faith, but the truth of the Gospel has been altered: legalism or the belief 'I must obey God to be loved by God'. Gospel clothed with judgment or pride is not the true Gospel, but it can turn people away.

How do we reach a vaccinated world? How do we share Jesus with people who think they have already said no to Him? First we need to seek God and be rooted in His truth; we need to have the right DNA. Next we need some antigenic drift. Antigenic drift is the process of a virus changing its capid to adjust to the environment; the proteins change, but the nucleic acid stays the same. For the Gospel this means the truth is unaltered, but we have to rethink how we present the Gospel. We need to understand our audience, to really listen to their experiences, hurts, and preconceived ideas; maybe it’s as simple as explaining to a friend the ‘Jesus’ they rejected is a lie. Just as Jesus had to explain and embody the truth of the Gospel in His culture and context, not their previous understandings of what was “gospel”, we need to look to Jesus and explain this same Gospel to our world.

What are some common accusation non-Christians have of Christians? Ask your non-Christian friends. This may shed light on what false gospels they have been vaccinated by, which may open the door for you to share the truth. Maybe they are turned off by nonessentials like going to church on Sunday mornings, but would be down to meet weekly an talk about Jesus over coffee or go with you to a bible study?

I think it’s important we take the time to seek God and ask if everything we believe about being a Christian is derived from the true Gospel. Then let’s pray for wisdom in how to re-communicate the Gospel to our culture.

Thankfully God is very creative, and the Gospel of Jesus is really good news.

The Bible is not like Wikipedia

I love Wikipedia. It is among my most frequently visited websites. When I'm bored, have a random question, or want to refresh my knowledge on topics I learn in college, I turn to Wikipedia. It's a beautiful thing.

But the Bible is not like Wikipedia, no matter how often we try to make it so. Here are a few reasons why not:

1. It does not answer our every question. The Bible is a narrative. It has an author and an author's message/story to us telling us what He intends. Selfishly we want the Bible to provide us with an omniscient objective point of view over all of history, which we can evaluate and judge based upon our own understanding. Sorry we don't get to be omniscient, that's just part of finitude. Some questions are left unanswered.

2.  We don't get to edit it to say what we want/think it should say. It edits us.

3.  We have to study it and discover what God was saying and is saying, which means we need to do our homework and be careful. When reading the Bible is all too easy to interpret a passage through my own cultural understanding. The problem is importing my culture, my ideas, my paradigm is inadvertently editorial.

To properly understand scripture we have to understand culture; both our own and that of the original audience. People have always existed within a culture and cultural context. The difficulty for us arises when our own culture is separated from the original author and audience’s culture by, say language and a couple thousand years. To assume that I can read a text written to another audience in another culture at another time, without considering or trying to understand the original author's culture and the original audience's culture is arrogant. There is no book in the Bible written to Tim with his Western 21st Century Post-Enlightenment paradigm, so I guess I will have some studying to do.

But the good news is, the more I learn about the Bible, the context, and the cultures, the richer my understanding of the Bible becomes. I love Jesus, but the more I understand what His words and actions meant in First Century Palestine under Roman oppression, the more I am challenged and inspired. Future posts on some examples to come.

Why I'm sad the world didn't end a year ago

As you may have noticed the world did not end on 12/21/12, and a year later we are still here. Don't get me wrong, I had no expectation the world would end last year. The Mayans have joined the long list of people who have incorrectly guessed when the world would end.

But it still makes me kind of sad.  Allow me to explain.

Often we think of the apocalypse as some horrible event, this great disaster which we all live in dread of. It is very human to see Judgement Day as some terrible day to be feared.  It sounds like a day of punishment and every nightmarish depiction of Hell. But in truth the Day of Judgement is a day of justice.

For now the wrath of God is being held back and building, waiting for the day of release. Judgement Day will be the day when every hurt, every wrong, and every sin will be redeemed and washed away. There will be justice for every crime committed against another. God is not mute to the sufferings of the world. It is with this future hope of justice Paul writes Romans 12:19
"Never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord."

Judgement Day will be the day when sickness, cancer, sex slavery, oppression, exploitation, and every other horrible thing which plagues humanity will be defeated. It will be glorious! It will be a day of true justice. No more suffering.

And it's hard to wait sometimes. This world is a dark and broken place, there are a lot of terrible things happening to people who God deeply loves, and it seems like there is no end in sight. Humanity will never save itself.  But our great God of Justice will. And I yearn for that day.

Advent in France: Hope

For those who don't know we recently moved to France where we will working for the next two years.  It has already been an awesome adventure filled with fun, friends, and culture-shock.

It is also hard to believe we are already eight days into December.  As with each year it seems, Advent is whirling past too quickly.  Or I am too busy sorting out a new life, new ministry, new culture to take the necessary time to ruminate upon the themes of Advent.

I love Advent, I love this season of waiting, darkness, and solemn contemplation.  I love the first Sunday's title of "hope"; Advent begins with hope.  As I have previously discussed in Advents passed, we celebrate Advent not only as remembrance of Jesus's first Advent, but also looking forward to His awaited second Advent.  This is why I have hope, the story is not over.

With this year's Advent season the question I have been pondering is how to embody this hope?  As I am learning to engage with a new culture how do I live in a way that reflects this Advent truth?

The best example I have found to follow is John the Baptist.  Isaiah prophesies about John saying:

A voice cries out:
"In the wilderness prepare the way of the LORD, make straight in the desert a highway for our God.  Every valley shall be lifted up, and every mountain and hill be made low; the uneven ground shall become level, and the rough places a plain.  Then the glory of the LORD shall be revealed, and all people shall see it together, for the mouth of the LORD has spoken." (Isa 40:3-5)

We see John went before Jesus and prepared for His first Advent.  John's life was lived to make way for Jesus's coming into the world, and this is our great calling.  We too can live out and live in the Truth of Jesus's first Advent and His second Advent, and by doing so we have the opportunity to prepare the way for His coming.  I love how the Isaiah passage concludes, about the LORD's glory being revealed and all people, from all sorts of backgrounds and beliefs, seeing it together.  What a wonderful image.  We also see John's mission was not dependent upon his abilities, his tactics, but ultimately upon the LORD and His declaration.  The LORD has spoken His Truth and we have the privilege of walking out and embodying this.

So let us go out into this dark world carrying to hope of Advent, let us make a way in this desolate land, and let us live to see His glory revealed and everyone invited in.

A Going Away Party for Who?

 

Emily and I will be moving to Grenoble France on October 28th (6 days from now).  It's a crazy story that has led us to this point, and I know the truly thrilling part is just about to begin.  We will keep you posted, don't worry the internet works in France too.

Last Saturday evening we had a going away party with our Sacramento friends, and it was a really wonderful time to see dear people we have missed as we've been preparing.  Being an extrovert I did not want the evening to end.  As the night progressed I realized this party was not just for Emily and I.

During my seven years in Davis and the last three in Sacramento I have watched as many good friends have come and gone off to do wild and crazy things.  This is a wonderful reality, and I have always been happy for my friends, but the truth is it's hard to be the one remaining behind.  Those leaving have new adventures and new worlds to immerse themselves in, while those left have a world now diminished.

Having time to celebrate together is important; those leaving need it, but those left need it too.  Moving away without saying good bye can be easy for those moving because it avoids the dreaded task of having to say good bye to everyone.  Making time to say good bye and to celebrate friendships is a way to honor those relationships and provide those left behind with some mark of closure.

I have really appreciated every going away party in which I have been able to wish the adventurer the best, and I was glad to have the opportunity to provide others with this as well.

Friends and family, you make life wonderful.  We cherish the memories we have, and look forward to adventures to come.

Music theorist vs. Musician

In college I had two majors: music composition and microbiology.  Of these two degrees music was the more challenging of the two, because rather than simply studying and regurgitating information it required my synthesis of new musical scores and performances.

I thoroughly enjoyed my study of music, but I found my biggest handicap was my lack of musicianship.  To be honest I hate practicing (still do).  Most of my friends in the music department would ideally spend 4-6 hours at the piano or with their violins.  I get bored after 15 minutes, about when I am actually warmed up.  As I learned more as a composer, I realized music theory is no substitute for playing an instrument.  The theory is fascinating, but music is ultimately about performance. It is only when played by a musician, in real time, the countless notes I have written come alive.

Furthermore the validity of academic study of music theory is ultimately derived from the performance of music, both those creating music (musician) and those receiving music (audience/other musicians).  Music theory is proved when the average person can pick up an instrument and over time discover everything taught in the classroom.  Music is art, meaning it should express thoughts, ideas, and emotions which are understood by people, and music is subjective.  With these two qualities come certain risks for educational institutions focused on this subject.  If academia makes statements and preferences about music and music theory which the common person cannot understand or agree with, then the institution has lost its ability to properly engage with people and culture.

Jesus is a musician.  What I mean is Jesus did not come to teach us a new philosophy or to theorize about God’s Kingdom.  Instead Jesus came to Earth, embodied God's Kingdom, and lived a sinless life for us.  Now He welcomes us to join His orchestra and participate.

We have to be careful not to become only Jesus theorists.  It can be easy to convince ourselves because we know the proper theology, ecclesiology, or missiology this somehow qualifies as faith.  The problem is Jesus is not some theory and God's Kingdom is not mere ideas or ideals.  Following His example I have to actually live out my faith.  I enjoy studying theology and see great fruit from it, but only as I am able to apply it in my life.  Faith is not knowledge; a living faith requires action and an embodiment of God's Kingdom.  As scripture describes it, "faith by itself, if it has no works, is dead" (James 2:17).

As individuals we need to be careful not to settle for theory alone, and we as the Church need to guard against this as well.  Just as academia can lose its purpose by isolating itself from people, the Church too can become the haunt of theorists and those already members of the Church.  It is not enough to love the poor in theory.  Instead we need to focus upon engaging with people; reaching out, expressing our faith, and loving the others whom Jesus deeply loves.  We have been called to join God’s ministry of reconciliation, and our mission is to do just this.

If my writing, if our reading, praying, and listening to sermons only increases our Jesus theory and not our embodiment of God's Kingdom, we are wasting our time.

So let us go practice living like Jesus in His Kingdom here on Earth.  I don't know about you, but I feel I am just getting warmed up

Christmas is over, now what?

We are now over one month post-Christmas and life has settled back into our normal routines.  Life continues like nothing happened.  But something did happen; we celebrated Christmas and the mysteries of Emmanuel and the Incarnation.  The whole course of human history changed with Jesus's missions trip to Earth.

If Christmas is not a Civil War reenactment and Jesus has truly come into the world, my life today should look different than it did on 12/24/2012.  But how?  Now what?

We must allow the truth of Jesus' coming, dying, and resurrecting to permeate our lives.  Every aspects; every nook and cranny.  We have to live with the truth our world and our lives will never be the same, nor should we allow ourselves to complacently think so.

Where to begin?  When Jesus was about ready to beam back up to Heaven in Acts 1 He lays out the next stage in His plan for global domination/reconciliation saying "You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in all of Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." (Acts 1:8).  We see Peter in John 21 trying to go back to fishing, to his old life.  But Jesus follows him there and calls Peter back into the identity Jesus has for him.  Instead of returning to our old lives of 2012 let us seek Holy Spirit and God's power to be His witnesses here, there, and the world.

With this call to be Jesus's witnesses we cannot afford to stay in our Jerusalems.  I don't want to sonud too dramatic, but the Greek word for "witness" is "martyr", and our call is to martyrdom in whatever forms this may take.  Sharing the Gospel is risky.  It has always been risky.  It will always be risky.  We cannot wait for a "better opportunity" because such a thing will never come.

If we are truly honest with ourselves and with God, we will realize God loves us and God cares about us, but God also loves and cares about everyone else around the world too.  God in His goodness never promised His disciples safety.  Jesus never guaranteed comfort.  In fact He assures us of quite the opposite (Mt 24:9-14, Mk 13:9-13, Lk 21:12-19).  But Jesus did promise to be with us.  "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" (Mt 28:20).  We may lose in life, we may suffer, but we will never be abandoned.  This is the mystery of Emmanuel; even now in 2013 God is still with us.

My motivation is not based on a guilt-trip, it is rooted in my Jesus who is with me.  He has called us not only to be reconciled with Him, but also to be agents of reconciliation.  We are Christ's ambassadors to this world (2 Cor 5:19-20).

We have to take the Gospel to the world.  We have to live to see God's Kingdom advanced.  This Advent season the Lord continually reminded me of the billions of people on Earth who have never heard of Jesus's first Advent.  We have to see the Gospel taken to the unreached people groups and the far corners of the globe.  Jesus said the "Gospel of the Kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations(ethnic groups), and then the end will come." (Mt 24:14) and we need to take His statement seriously.

May your 2013 be an excellent and Jesus-y year.  May this year not be just another lap around the Sun, but see God's Kingdom come and His will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Why I give my money to Jesus and you should too

Money can be a very uncomfortable subject for people, especially in the Church and involving the Church.  Most of us have a sense we should be giving to God, but we often don't know why or how much and can feel pressured by words like "tithe" and "stewardship".  Additionally our culture tells us to guard our money; we should be wary of anyone who mentions money and scrutinize everyone for ulterior motives.  I find it interesting, but not too surprising, to see societies with the most money are often the most obsessed and grudging about it.

The Bible however offers a very different view of money and tithing.  The first corporate offering from the Israelites happens at Sinai.  God is speaking to Moses on the mountain and He is getting ready to instruct Moses in how to build the Tabernacle.  God says to Moses "take for me an offering; from all whose hearts prompt them to give you shall receive the offering for me." (Ex 25:2)

God wants to build the Tabernacle so He collects an offering.  As you may remember at this point the Israelites had just left Egypt, where they were slaves, three months prior.  How did they have anything to offer God?  Before leaving the land of Egypt God provided for the Israelites by enabling them to plunder the Egyptians (Ex 3:21-22, Ex 12:35-36).

With the building the Tabernacle God offered the Israelites the opportunity to give back to God, and not only do they have the chance to give to Him, but they have the chance to partner with God in establishing His earthly dwelling.  Before Solomon built the Temple in Jerusalem, for centuries the Tabernacle was the place where God's presence dwelt on Earth.  Here we have the whole nation of Israel in the desert, with nothing but what God has already brought them, and He provides the option for the Israelites to worship Him with their wealth.  God's first corporate offering is a chance to sow into His work of redemption and reconciliation on Earth.  What an awesome and powerful opportunity these Israelites had, to be given the chance to help establish God's Kingdom here on Earth.

How else did the Israelites make use of their plundered treasure?  You may remember a certain golden calf which they also used their gold to build.

Whether worshiping God or worshiping idols, there is power in what we invest our money in.  Jesus wisely said "where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Mt 6:19-21).  Our investments often betray our true priorities and insecurities.

At its heart tithing to God and His ministry is not some grudging demand for my dues, but an invitation to invest in His Kingdom.  By accepting His offer we can sow into His Kingdom and see it come to Earth; to help create God's dwelling place here.  How blessed are we to have this opportunity to partner with God and His work.

Ideas v. people

Do we love the Church or do we merely love the idea of the Church?

What happens when our concept of someone, our expectations, our projection of who they are does not match up with reality?  What happens when we fail to live up to each other's expectations?  I will surely fail you all at some point; I probably already have.  And the Church will do the same.

Do we believe in the Church, or just the idea of Church?

I have to ask myself this question a lot.  In part this is because my job as a campus pastor requires me to.  As a leader I am helping guide a community of faith (in my case college students), and to effectively lead I must have an understanding of what this community is called to do and be.  I have heard it said (cannot remember the source) a pastor must lead two churches, the church existing now, and the church this community is becoming.  But the gap between these two churches can be frustrating.

So do I love college students, or do I merely love the idea of college students?

But this question about loving the Church is not just for vocational ministers, but for everyone in the Body of Christ.  We all need to be asking ourselves this; to be a follower of Jesus means to be a part of the Church.

The idea of Church is neat and exciting; it is balanced, void of ego, and clean.

The reality of Church is exciting and messy, full of broken people and crying babies.  We often think the chaos of life gets in the way of our faith, when in fact our faith is truly lived in the midst of, not despite, the messiness and unpredictability of life.  If your problem with Church has to do with people no denomiation, para-church organization, or worship model will be able to solve your issue.  We are not called to merely love and serve those who are easy to love and serve.

I have known people who love the concept of Church; who love to theorize about the fullness of Church and contemplate all which the Church is called to be.  But I have also known people so fixated on these ideas and ideals that no real church has ever been enough, and they have not participated in a community of faith.

Church is more challenging in practice than in theory.  You have to get your hands dirty to be a part of it.  We have to engage with others in the fullness of our humanity, weakness, and sin.  I have begun to see all those inconveniences which have bothered me, which were so disruptive to the sanctity of the moment, are in fact the reality of Church.  Church is not a perfect worship service.  Church is not a deeply contemplative moment.  Church is living our lives and our faith together with others; where we are free to be open and honest, even if we disturb each other's peace at times.  We love the idea of individual faith.  Autonomy is so appealing.  But we have not been created or called to walk this out alone.  We need each other.  I need you.  And life lived with others is so much better.

It is hard to love the Church at times.  I can get discouraged by students' lack of maturity or commitment.  Because I am called to help encourage and support students in becoming who God has created them to be, I can get frustrated when students do not live up to their calling.

In spite of all this, our call is not to the idea of Church, but to the practice of Church.  Faith lived out in community.