I want to share a short but encouraging thought I had about God's love for us:
Does God love us more than we deserve? We humans may be loved more by God than our selfishness may hope for, We may be loved more by God that we can expect to be loved by others or ourselves, But if God as Creator is the one, and only one, who can truly declare someone or something's worth, value, or merit, then we are loved exactly as much as God says we deserve. and that value is beyond my finite comprehension
I turn thirty tomorrow and want to share a few thoughts on the subject of leaving one decade for another. Getting older has never bothered me, and whenever someone asks what are my feelings about turning twenty-two, twenty-five, etc. I like to joke it “beats the alternative.”
It is strange to think it has been ten years since I left my teen years behind, but I was ready for that transition and I feel ready for this one too. There are a few things which are affecting my preparation for the completion of my tridecennial year.
The first is I have enjoyed my twenties. There is the idea your twenties are a time of self-discovery, personal reflection, adventure, and trying new things, and I have loved these aspects of my last decade. I have questioned, explored and contemplated who I am, and my life has been enriched by this process. Looking back, it is hard to believe who I was ten years ago, in many ways I hardly recognize the 20 year-old Tim, and I am okay with that. I am relieved to not be the same person I was then. Having enjoyed this season of learning, I am ready to move on. I do not want to keep asking the same questions forever. I have some ideas now of who I am, what I love, and what I want to do with my life. I feel I have accomplished the goal of my "self-discovery twenties." Now is the time for my thirties, a season of launching out into what I feel called to do, becoming who I want to be, and the beginning of those things which my twenties have prepared me for.
I have been basing these ideas about the nature of our twenties and thirties off of what I have observed and what I have read from sociologists and bloggers, but I also realize it was at the age of thirty when Jesus began his three years of ministry. Jesus, in part, was following the rabbinic traditions of his time (which specified not beginning ministry until thirty) and I think this tradition acknowledges the same anticipation I feel now. This does not mean I am prepared or expect to not make any more mistakes or discoveries, I most certainly will. I do not feel like a butterfly emerging from a chrysalis, but I do feel like a fledgling bird ready to try jumping out of the nest.
The second factor is that I have completed the major life goals I had hoped to accomplish by now. I was twenty-five when Emily and I were married and we had hoped to wait five years(ish) before having children, and we also wanted to live in Europe for two years. We have enjoyed this time of being married without children (no, we are not pregnant!), and we have lived in France for eighteen months now. God has been good and my life has unfolded, for the most part, as I had hoped.
The third thing is I am curious who 40 year-old Tim will be. What goals and dreams, adventures and misadventures, lie between me now and me then? Just as I look back on myself ten years ago and think “wow, I have come a long way,” I hope in ten years I will be able to do the same. This is not a reflection of dissatisfaction with who I am at the present, but a desire to not be static as a person. I hope I have not “peaked” at thirty. So here's to being thirty and the adventures to come!
A while ago I posted about what our dear friend Escherichia coli (E. coli) can teach us about raising up new leaders (click here), and today Escherichia will once again be teaching us another important theological principle; this time on sanctification.
But first an introduction to E. coli and a process known as Bacterial transformation. Despite the bad reputation E. coli gets in the media, this little gram negative bacteria is essential to the proper health of our intestinal flora. E. coli plays a key role removing in the toxic O2 gas which otherwise would kill many of the obligate anaerobic (cannot tolerate O2) bacteria within us, and we need our intestinal bacteria! So having E. coli is important.
Bacterial transformation is a process by which bacteria cells are able to find and absorb new DNA fragments from their environment. This allows for a transformed bacteria to begin expressing novel DNA sequences and novel proteins. Some bacteria are naturally able to incorporate environmental DNA, this characteristic is known as "competency", while other bacteria like E.coli require a bit of coaxing1 into DNA uptake. Transformation for E. coli is contingent upon prior external events, and only then is E. coli able to incorporate and begin expressing new DNA.
Cool, so what does this have to do with us? I submit to you that we are like E. coli. Despite all that we are capable of or our best intentions, left to our own devices Humanity will never save itself. At the Fall we lost our identities, our humanity was warped, and ever since we have been shadows of who we were intended to be. We are broken and hurting and we cannot change ourselves. But in Jesus everything changes, He's a game-changer. Through His work and His grace we are now able to be transformed; His victory is the external event upon which our ability to be transformed depends. Like transformed E. coli expressing novel DNA, in Jesus we are changed and now able to express an identity which was previously foreign to us. We are made human, as God intended in the beginning, once again.
I encourage you to allow Jesus to transform you as He alone can, back into who He alone intended you to be. May we all live as transformed E. coli expressing our renewed identities.
1. Ingraham, John L. et al. Microbe. ASM Press. 2006. p.187.
Do we love the Church or do we merely love the idea of the Church?
What happens when our concept of someone, our expectations, our projection of who they are does not match up with reality? What happens when we fail to live up to each other's expectations? I will surely fail you all at some point; I probably already have. And the Church will do the same. Do we believe in the Church, or just the idea of Church? I have to ask myself this question a lot. In part this is because my job as a campus pastor requires me to. As a leader I am helping guide a community of faith (in my case college students), and to effectively lead I must have an understanding of what this community is called to do and be. I have heard it said (cannot remember the source) a pastor must lead two churches, the church existing now, and the church this community is becoming. But the gap between these two churches can be frustrating. So do I love college students, or do I merely love the idea of college students? But this question about loving the Church is not just for vocational ministers, but for everyone in the Body of Christ. We all need to be asking ourselves this; to be a follower of Jesus means to be a part of the Church. The idea of Church is neat and exciting; it is balanced, void of ego, and clean. The reality of Church is exciting and messy, full of broken people and crying babies. We often think the chaos of life gets in the way of our faith, when in fact our faith is truly lived in the midst of, not despite, the messiness and unpredictability of life. If your problem with Church has to do with people no denomiation, para-church organization, or worship model will be able to solve your issue. We are not called to merely love and serve those who are easy to love and serve. I have known people who love the concept of Church; who love to theorize about the fullness of Church and contemplate all which the Church is called to be. But I have also known people so fixated on these ideas and ideals that no real church has ever been enough, and they have not participated in a community of faith. Church is more challenging in practice than in theory. You have to get your hands dirty to be a part of it. We have to engage with others in the fullness of our humanity, weakness, and sin. I have begun to see all those inconveniences which have bothered me, which were so disruptive to the sanctity of the moment, are in fact the reality of Church. Church is not a perfect worship service. Church is not a deeply contemplative moment. Church is living our lives and our faith together with others; where we are free to be open and honest, even if we disturb each other's peace at times. We love the idea of individual faith. Autonomy is so appealing. But we have not been created or called to walk this out alone. We need each other. I need you. And life lived with others is so much better. It is hard to love the Church at times. I can get discouraged by students' lack of maturity or commitment. Because I am called to help encourage and support students in becoming who God has created them to be, I can get frustrated when students do not live up to their calling. In spite of all this, our call is not to the idea of Church, but to the practice of Church. Faith lived out in community.
On a particularly existential day we may wonder about why it is God made humanity. I know I have found myself contemplating this. And the answer I have often heard given is that God made us because He needed us or was lonely or something to that effect. This sentiment is usually well intended, but the truth is that God does not need us. However weird this may seem, it is some of the best news ever.
One of the many beautiful facets of Trinity is that it disproves this idea that God is isolated. With Trinity God is His own best friend on levels that a finite being as myself will never comprehend. If God gets lonely He hangs out with Himself. God also is perfect which means He does not need anything. We cannot contribute to God's independence. So why is this good news? It is kind of like eating.
Now I like food and I enjoy eating. But I also frequently find myself eating merely out of metabolic necessity, and on those occasions there is no enjoyment in eating. Here food merely serves a utilitarian purpose.
And this is an example of why it is so awesome that God does not need us. If God needed us like I need food, then it means we serve some utilitarian purpose. But because God does not need us, we can be confident that God is free then to want us. We are not filling some void in a perfect and independent God, we exist as the overflow of His love. In His goodness and perfection of love God created us. That is why we exist. And that is really cool.
Did you ever notice that Jesus likes nick-names? That God loves a good name change?
Simon gets to be Peter "the Rock". James and John become the "Sons of Thunder." Can you imagine how cool it would be like to have Jesus who is LORD God Almighty say "Dude, Sons of Thunder, how you doin'?"
Jesus loves nick-names.
But actually God just knows our identity. He knows who we are and who we have been created to be.
Peter and Andrew, James and John, Jesus finds both sets of brothers in Galilee learning the family business of fishing. In Jewish culture this means that they were not the best or the brightest. The best youths were asked to be followers of various rabbis. The fact that these four guys were fishermen means they were not picked. They were not good enough. Until a different rabbi came along.
I love the verse John 1:42
"He brought Simon to Jesus, who looked at him and said, ‘You are Simon son of John. You are to be called Cephas’ (which is translated Peter)."
Jesus looks at Simon, sees him, knows who he is, and then calls him Cephas. It's not that Jesus looked at Peter and said "I'm never going to remember a name like Simon so let's call you Peter instead." Jesus looked at Peter, knew his identity, who the world saw him as, and then called him by the identity that Peter had been created for. Jesus did not seem Simon the blue-collar fisherman, he saw a pillar upon which his church would be founded and so he called him Peter. Jesus defined Peter not by his past, education, achievements, but by his God-given future and identity. Jesus called Peter into true life.
We see this same idea play out in the Old Testament. Jacob had grown up with the identity of "Deceiver", that was who he was. Until he wrestled with God. Then God changed his name to Israel. Starting from his grandfather (whom God changed from Abram to Abraham) God was creating a people who would be a light to this dark world, a holy nation set apart, and Jacob now Israel was a part of that plan. God radically changed Jacob's identity. God also broke his hip because sometimes we have to hit bottom before we allow God to speak over us. If He has to God will break our hip to change our identity.
What names and nick-names does God have for you? Who has God declared you to be?
Of all subject matters, fields of learning, and disciplines nothing has the ability to make me so uncomfortable as the subject of Theology, the study of God. Who is God and what is He like?
There is no entity with whom I am more dissimilar, yet everything about me is entirely dependent upon Him and His utter independence from anything but Himself.
God is infinite, I am finite.
God is omnipresent, I am not
God is Creator, I am creature.
God is holy. I am not.
His character and nature grates on my fallen broken nature. And I am better for it.
Apart from God revealing Himself I would be unable to know who He is, and yet He has made himself known even by His own Creation (Rom 1:19-20). So I find myself upon the great journey of seeking and learning and discovering who God is, of intimacy with the Almighty Holy One.
One of the great things about God being infinite is that there is infinite to learn about Him. We will therefore be able to learn and discover more about God for all of eternity, rather than after 736 trillion years coming to a full understanding of God and then spending the rest of eternity going over re-runs.
But a question arises
When your concept of God comes in conflict with God who wins?
Our theology and experiences vs. God and who He really is.
Theology will make us uncomfortable.
As fallen, finite, and imperfect creatures our understanding of God is inherently flawed this side of death. I think I know what the nature of love is or the characteristics of sin, but the paradox of knowledge is that "the more you know the more you realize how little you know." Believing that I truly and wholly understand an aspect of something violates one of the few things I can actually know, that I cannot fully comprehend anything.
At times I think the sum of all my knowledge, all my experience, all my learning truly boils down to this:
God is loving
God is faithful
and I am much smaller than I think
Theology makes me uncomfortable. But I have learned that one of my greatest enemies is comfort. It is so easy to settle for what I currently know rather than searching for a better and greater understanding. To know just enough to deceive myself into thinking that I know God, and thus think that I do not need to keep truly seeking him.
If I am honest and faithful then studying Theology and who God is will make me uncomfortable.
But God is worth knowing, no matter what that takes.
Six days ago, on May 12th, I went to Berkeley to donate my bone marrow. 900 cc's of it (approx 1 quart/1liter). It quite the emotional experience to say the least.
1st: It was emotional because of why I am in the Nation Bone Marrow Donor Registry. You see I had a cousin named Kelly Grubb who was born about the same time as my sister Cait (1988).
When Kelly was 7 she was diagnosed with childhood leukemia. 5 years after chemo and remission the leukemia returned (which is a really mad sign). When the battle with chemo began to fail the doctors turned to a new procedure called a bone marrow transplant. But it's hard to find a match. And 10% of recipients are killed if the transplanted marrow rejects them as a host. They found a donor for Kelly, some guy from Germany.
And Kelly survived.
But Kelly lost 5 years later at the age of 18.
2nd: It was hard because as with any surgery there are risks. Risks of death from anesthesia, risks for infection, risks of human errors. It sounds stupid to have been scared of such risks, but I have to be honest that I was scared.
Also even if everything goes according to plan (which it did) the surgery is still very painful (I guess your body gets angry when you take its bone marrow). On this side of it I can say that for me the pain is comparable to the pain/stiffness/soreness from falling on your butt on icy ground. It's a pretty intense dull ache that only twinges of pain when you bend/twist at your hip (which is more often than you'd guess). For now I'm just fatigued. But going into the surgery the unknown/anticipation was really hard.
3rd:For some 55 year-old woman, somewhere in the world, I was her best shot at life. Her only shot. I know that I was the only match because I am not an ideal bone marrow donor. I have a mild autoimmune disorder, a family history of autoimmune disorders, and allergies; all of which have been transfered to this woman because from now on my bone marrow with my DNA in her will create her immune system with all my flaws. I honestly hope she doesn't like cats because I'm really allergic to cats and she is now too.
But she is only 55. She could easily live another 30-40 years with my marrow. 30-40 years! That's a long time. There is also the impact this will have on not just this lady but her friends and family. I really have no idea how much this will impact so many people.
4th:There is about a 10% chance that my bone marrow will kill this woman within the next 100 days. If not, then my marrow will save her life. Life and death all in a quart of my marrow.
I did it for Kelly.
I did it because I want to be like the guy from Germany who gave my cousin five more years of life.
I did it more because honestly Jesus bled, and suffered, and died to save my life. My suffering doesn't even compare.
And I could do it because I was not alone going into that operating room. The fact that God is faithful got me through this. The community praying for me also was of great support.
Now to rest, and wait, and pray. I get my first update on the woman after a month. After a year if we both consent I can begin communicating with the woman. Needless to say I'm pretty invested in her recovery.
A common yet effective strategy for governing a conquered people is to change their names. It has always been the victor who writes history; re-write the history of a conquered people, their names, and they lose their identity. It is interesting how much our names tell us about our identity. Giving a new name is giving a new identity. This has been practiced throughout history by numerous conquerors. A defeated nation becomes a new province under a name of your choosing to aid in demoralizing and controlling the defeated people.
This practice is illustrated during the exile in Babylon with Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah. Nebuchadnezzar renamed them Belteshazzar, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego respectively Daniel 1:7. (it is interesting to note that of the four only Daniel continues to be called by his Hebrew name).
We have all given into this practice of renaming as well. We were created perfect and have fallen into sin and brokenness. We have forgotten who we are. We allowed the world, satan, the past, and our friends to define who we are. We are a conquered people.
But a savior has come to free us, indeed salvation is come. Jesus, who created us (John 1:3), who knows our true names, identities, and purposes has come to liberate us and call us back to the identities that we have forgotten. Victorious Jesus has conquered the world to restore and rename all of Creation. As the victor Jesus has come to give us back our names.
But his victory on earth is not yet fully realized. And we continue to forget who we are and what God is calling us to (ex. 1 Tim 4:14). We keep falling back into our old identities, who the world, the past, our friends, and the enemy say we are. Truly it is God alone, Creator of all, who knows our true identity. He knows us best. His is the true reality, not blurred by the lies and the conquest of the enemy over Humanity. Turn back to God, to Jesus, and to who you truly are and were created to be. Let us walk this journey together, and remind each other of who we are when we forget.
Philosophers much smarter than I have long argued about whether people are inherently good or bad.
I think the answer is ‘yes’. Human beings as God first made us were good. We reflected only characteristics of God (His communicable attributes). We were made perfect, God’s original dream was or us to be good and holy.
Then the Fall. The dream was tarnished by sin. We became a fallen broken people. Only one person has lived who was perfect and that was Jesus. The rest of us are sinful, but the good things of God have not been fully squeezed out of us, and the memory of being good and holy is not, however unconsciously, wholly forgotten by our souls.
So while I once only reflected God’s creation, now I have diminished in that respect and taken on sinful dimensions as well. Pride has taken root within me. I am neither as full as God created me nor as pure. I am broken.
Yet by God’s grace I am sanctified. There is great mystery in this, because I am and I am being transformed.
It is true that evil still lurks within me, pride still dwells inside me. I am fallen and I am sanctified. It is like living in two different dimensions. Jesus when he first met Simon Peter (John 1:40-42), did not see him as a fisherman, but as a pillar of his Church. He did not evaluate him by his sinful self, but by the dreams God had created Peter for, the same dreams that Jesus had come to redeem by his death. Jesus saw Simon according to his true identity, as God had originally made him to be, and so renamed him "Peter."
That is the paradigm I try to operate within. Not the perspective of seeing what is plainly before me living in the reality of who I am, but choosing to live by the identity which Christ is calling me to. I am choosing Peter over Simon, to see myself not as I have been but as I am being transformed. Also I am striving to see others not as they are, but by the identity and the potential that God has created them for and made possible through redemption.
So people are born fallen, broken, apt to evil, but by Jesus’ work of redemption we are able and becoming and to operate in the goodness that God first created us for.
