My New Year's Resolution is Learning to Grieve Better (part 1)

This year I have a new year's resolution, and it sounds odd, but I want to learn to grieve better.  Weird right?  It all started at a Christmas Eve service in a cemetery and Christmas day away from family.

I want to learn to grieve well not because I am necessarily poor at it (thought I do have a lot to learn) but because I have found grief to be among life’s guarantees (like taxes and needing to eat food even when I don’t want to).  Grief is nebulous, both in experience and its source.  My greatest experience of grief has been the death of my grandmother, but I am currently experiencing grief for the loss of my native culture and time with family.  It feels odd to admit this and to use the same English word and emotional turmoil to describe these two subjects, but my feelings are probably more indicative of my own immature views of grief than the nature of grief itself.

Grief is not a sign of weakness or unhappiness.  I have been surprised how much I have grieved living in France, especially this holiday season.  I mean we’re living in France!  If this is not a dream life I don’t know what is (and it is an absolute dream), but grief is not mutually exclusive to other emotions.  We humans must give ourselves credit for being complicated enough to feel more than only happy or sad or bored at any one moment in time.  I am coming to terms with the fact a grieving process is part of cultural acclimation.

Beyond grieving for the comfortable and familiar back home, where I can do mundane tasks like buy toilet paper without culture-stress, this holiday season has the added grief of being away from family at a special time of year.  We were visited by all the emotions and memories of Christmas past. 

For Christmas Emily and I spent five days in Salzburg adventuring in castles, cathedrals, and the Christmas market; it was a magical time.  I will always look back fondly upon this unique opportunity.  But we also grieved being away from our families this Christmas.  To help each other Emily and I traded stories of holiday traditions and memories.  While skype (even with a poor internet connection) was a huge blessing, there is no replacement for being physically present with loved-ones and there’s no point in pretending there is.  Such pretending is exactly the thing I want to learn not to do.

So we took time to be sad and allow ourselves and each other to be sad.  There were good reasons to feel so.  All this has me thinking about grief and how I handle my own as well as the grief of others (which I will explore in future blog posts).  I want to ponder and learn about grief this year.

Why I'm sad the world didn't end a year ago

As you may have noticed the world did not end on 12/21/12, and a year later we are still here. Don't get me wrong, I had no expectation the world would end last year. The Mayans have joined the long list of people who have incorrectly guessed when the world would end.

But it still makes me kind of sad.  Allow me to explain.

Often we think of the apocalypse as some horrible event, this great disaster which we all live in dread of. It is very human to see Judgement Day as some terrible day to be feared.  It sounds like a day of punishment and every nightmarish depiction of Hell. But in truth the Day of Judgement is a day of justice.

For now the wrath of God is being held back and building, waiting for the day of release. Judgement Day will be the day when every hurt, every wrong, and every sin will be redeemed and washed away. There will be justice for every crime committed against another. God is not mute to the sufferings of the world. It is with this future hope of justice Paul writes Romans 12:19
"Never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord."

Judgement Day will be the day when sickness, cancer, sex slavery, oppression, exploitation, and every other horrible thing which plagues humanity will be defeated. It will be glorious! It will be a day of true justice. No more suffering.

And it's hard to wait sometimes. This world is a dark and broken place, there are a lot of terrible things happening to people who God deeply loves, and it seems like there is no end in sight. Humanity will never save itself.  But our great God of Justice will. And I yearn for that day.

Advent in France: Peace

Every Advent I love contemplating the awesome Truth of Emmanuel; "God with us" (Mt 1:23, Isa 7:14).  I am continually amazed by God; after I had rejected Him and have betrayed him on a daily basis, He still chose to come back and be with someone like me.  It's crazy.

In John 1:9-13 we see the sad truth of God coming back to this beautiful creation of His, now marred  by sin, and not being recognized.  There are examples of darkness all around us and the internet has only heightened this availability.  But the passage does not end here.  In verse 12 and 13 we see hope break through.  We who have become enemies of God have a way back home.  We can have peace with our Creator not based upon our efforts but because of His efforts.

With less than a week to go before Christmas, let us each make room for this awesome gift of peace in our lives.  Emmanuel has come and is coming.  May we celebrate the peace we have in Him.

Advent in France: Hope

For those who don't know we recently moved to France where we will working for the next two years.  It has already been an awesome adventure filled with fun, friends, and culture-shock.

It is also hard to believe we are already eight days into December.  As with each year it seems, Advent is whirling past too quickly.  Or I am too busy sorting out a new life, new ministry, new culture to take the necessary time to ruminate upon the themes of Advent.

I love Advent, I love this season of waiting, darkness, and solemn contemplation.  I love the first Sunday's title of "hope"; Advent begins with hope.  As I have previously discussed in Advents passed, we celebrate Advent not only as remembrance of Jesus's first Advent, but also looking forward to His awaited second Advent.  This is why I have hope, the story is not over.

With this year's Advent season the question I have been pondering is how to embody this hope?  As I am learning to engage with a new culture how do I live in a way that reflects this Advent truth?

The best example I have found to follow is John the Baptist.  Isaiah prophesies about John saying:

A voice cries out:
"In the wilderness prepare the way of the LORD, make straight in the desert a highway for our God.  Every valley shall be lifted up, and every mountain and hill be made low; the uneven ground shall become level, and the rough places a plain.  Then the glory of the LORD shall be revealed, and all people shall see it together, for the mouth of the LORD has spoken." (Isa 40:3-5)

We see John went before Jesus and prepared for His first Advent.  John's life was lived to make way for Jesus's coming into the world, and this is our great calling.  We too can live out and live in the Truth of Jesus's first Advent and His second Advent, and by doing so we have the opportunity to prepare the way for His coming.  I love how the Isaiah passage concludes, about the LORD's glory being revealed and all people, from all sorts of backgrounds and beliefs, seeing it together.  What a wonderful image.  We also see John's mission was not dependent upon his abilities, his tactics, but ultimately upon the LORD and His declaration.  The LORD has spoken His Truth and we have the privilege of walking out and embodying this.

So let us go out into this dark world carrying to hope of Advent, let us make a way in this desolate land, and let us live to see His glory revealed and everyone invited in.

A Going Away Party for Who?

 

Emily and I will be moving to Grenoble France on October 28th (6 days from now).  It's a crazy story that has led us to this point, and I know the truly thrilling part is just about to begin.  We will keep you posted, don't worry the internet works in France too.

Last Saturday evening we had a going away party with our Sacramento friends, and it was a really wonderful time to see dear people we have missed as we've been preparing.  Being an extrovert I did not want the evening to end.  As the night progressed I realized this party was not just for Emily and I.

During my seven years in Davis and the last three in Sacramento I have watched as many good friends have come and gone off to do wild and crazy things.  This is a wonderful reality, and I have always been happy for my friends, but the truth is it's hard to be the one remaining behind.  Those leaving have new adventures and new worlds to immerse themselves in, while those left have a world now diminished.

Having time to celebrate together is important; those leaving need it, but those left need it too.  Moving away without saying good bye can be easy for those moving because it avoids the dreaded task of having to say good bye to everyone.  Making time to say good bye and to celebrate friendships is a way to honor those relationships and provide those left behind with some mark of closure.

I have really appreciated every going away party in which I have been able to wish the adventurer the best, and I was glad to have the opportunity to provide others with this as well.

Friends and family, you make life wonderful.  We cherish the memories we have, and look forward to adventures to come.