My New Year's Resolution is Learning to Grieve Better (part 4)

The conversation about grief and learning how to healthily grieve does not end with the close of 2014. And I obviously do not know everything. But over this last year I have accumulated this list of blog posts and articles I have found helpful and thought provoking. I hope you too find these of assistance. If you know of or find other resources on learning to grieve, please post them in the comment section.

(Links are in no particular order)

• http://www.alifeoverseas.com/outlawed-grief-a-curse-disguised/
• http://sarahbessey.com/depression-fault/
• http://www.calebwilde.com/2014/02/should-we-medicate-grief-2/
• http://www.calebwilde.com/2014/08/grief-shaming-why-some-people-believe-your-grief-over-robin-williams-is-misguided/
• http://www.calebwilde.com/2014/05/if-youre-dealing-with-complicated-grief-seek-first-your-therapist-not-your-pastor-2/
• http://www.calebwilde.com/2014/06/when-is-the-last-time-you-had-one-of-these/
• http://sarahbessey.com/learning-obey-sadness/
• http://www.calebwilde.com/2014/03/10-reasons-we-are-not-vulnerable-with-each-other/
• http://www.calebwilde.com/2014/04/eight-examples-of-disenfranchised-grief/
• http://www.calebwilde.com/2014/03/grief-online-the-dos-and-donts-of-internet-etiquette/
• http://www.calebwilde.com/2013/12/11-worst-and-best-things-to-say-at-a-funeral-3/
• http://sarahbessey.com/lament-sandy-hook/
• http://www.calebwilde.com/2014/12/surviving-grief-and-the-holidays/

My New Year's Resolution is Learning to Grieve Better (part 3)

It has been a while since I posted about my 2014 New Year’s Resolution of learning to grieve well (parts 1 and 2 here and here), and with 2014 drawing to a close here is one of the last two posts. On this side of 2014 I still have a lot to learn about grieving well.

I am inspired by Jesus’ words and actions in John 11. Word comes to Jesus that Lazarus, a dear friend of his, is sick, and in verse four Jesus begins by telling us the end of the story. “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it” (John 11:4) are Jesus’ words. From the start everything Jesus does is rooted in His knowledge of how this will end. He knew Lazarus would live again and it would be for God's glory. So after the news of Lazarus’s sickness comes Jesus waits for Lazarus to die.

When at last Jesus arrives in the town of Bethany, and he meets Lazarus’ sisters Martha and Mary, he does not offer up vague platitudes. He does not make excuses or give well intended but empty words. He cries with them (John 11:35). Even though Jesus knows the sisters’ grief will soon be turned to awe, the Lord God Almighty-Creator of the Universe-now human, weeps with them. He is present with them in their grief. He is not bothered by their mourning or their lack of His eternal perspective, He is not uncomfortable with their emotions, He instead meets them where they are in their grief. And that is awesome. I want to be like Jesus for others. Just as the Lord has met with me in my times of grief, I want to be able to meet others too.

In 1 Corinthians 12:26 Paul writes “If one member suffers, all suffer together with it; if one member is honored, all rejoice together with it” and again in Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” In a world where people are uncomfortable with each other’s grief, may we the Church incarnate the truth of being there with those who mourn, of grieving with those who grieve. May we be known as a Church who weeps well together.

I am still in the process of discovering how to embody this truth and follow Jesus in walking in the ways of His Kingdom. Will you walk with me? Can we as the Church walk together in our grief and learning to grieve?

Viral Gospel Part 3.

 Today’s post is the third and final part of my “Viral Gospel series”. The Gospel is like a virus in its ability to transform culture and lives. We see this illustrated in a biological process known as transduction.

As discussed in Viral Gospel part 1. the goal of a virus is to infect a cell, use the cell’s machinery to build more viruses, and then release the daughter virions (individual virus particles) to go infect other cells. But sometimes in the chaos of a virus’ hostile takeover of a cell, instead of packing a copy of the viral nucleic acid into a daughter virion, a chunk of the host cell’s DNA is added instead. When this daughter virion goes on to infect another cell, instead of inserting viral nucleic acid into the new cell, the bit of previous host’s DNA is added. This viral accident can be used by biologists as a tool for making cells express novel genes.

Like a virion introducing new genes into an existing genome, the Gospel brings new life to our human cultures. The Gospel does not condemn culture or impose an ancient culture upon us today, but engages with, redeems, and transforms our modern culture.

When we encounter the Gospel we do not have to reject everything we have known; we do not have to disown our old way of life. Instead we can allow the transcendent truth of the Gospel into our lives and begin discovering how this interacts with us and our culture. We do not have to behave like first century Palestinian peasants to follow Jesus, we can learn what it means to be followers today in our twenty-first century context. This journey of transformation is something Christians have been experiencing and experimenting with for centuries. We see an example of this in the New Testament debate about circumcision. The early church had to wrestle with how the Gospel related to both the culture and the belief concerning circumcision.

Another example is the Christmas tree. Skeptics like to point out possible pagan roots or animistic traditions of the Christmas tree as though this somehow invalidates the holiday. There is nothing inherently evil about decorating with a tree, even if pagans used to worship it. The Gospel does not say “because this [insert cultural good, artifact, tradition] was used for idolatry (or other sin), it must be disowned.” Instead the Gospel teaches us how to take these things and re-purpose them for the Gospel. This is how we redeem an object or custom. People used to worship trees, instead of raining on their parade let us use this familiar tradition to now point to Jesus. People celebrated the winter solstice and prayed for the sun to return, let us celebrate Jesus’ birth at the same time of year and utilize this existing cultural momentum to teach about Jesus’ coming as the true light and new life which people have long hoped for.

So what does this mean for us now? How do we allow the Gospel to transform us? What in our lives, in how we live, has not been changed by the Gospel? How can we be transformed by this truth? The miracle of Christmas is the incarnation of our Savoir. We reflect back upon this great mystery and we look forward to this coming reality, to Jesus’ second advent. The question for us now is how do we incarnate the message of God’s incarnation today, in our context, to our neighbors?

Share your thought and ideas in the comment section, I know I still have a lot to learn

Viral Gospel Part 2.

In Viral Gospel Part 1. I discussed the components of a virion (a virus particle) and what this can illustrate for us about the truth and expression of the Gospel and how to address the issues of false gospels and vaccination. Today’s post will delve more into the first century Palestinian context in which Jesus used the word “gospel”.

When Jesus started his ministry he was anything but ignorant of the cultural context into which he as the Savior had stepped. There are a few things we as aliens to this historic moment need to know. Palestine was an occupied land ruled by the Empire of Rome. It was a backwater territory in the vast empire, but an important trade-route, so despite the continuous thorn the Jews were in the side of Caesar the empire would not let this area go. The praetorium, the local center of the empire’s administration, taxation, and military housing in Jerusalem (where Jesus was brought before Pilate) was built next to and taller than God’s temple as a declaration to the subjected people of Israel who was truly Lord of the land.

It is important to understand when Jesus used the word “Gospel/Good news” which is a translation of the Greek word “εὐαγγέλιον” (euangelion), this word had very specific connotations. “Gospel” was Caesar’s word. “Gospel” was a declaration of victory, prosperity, or peace, and was an important aspect in the cult of Caesar. That’s right, cult of Caesar. Dating back to 42 B.C. when Julius Caesar was posthumously deified and Caesar Augustus declared himself “Son of God” it became the civil religion of the Empire to worship Caesar. Common civil duties like the meeting of the local assembly (Greek “ἐκκλησία”, ekklesia, the same word later used for “church” in the New Testament) and paying taxes to Caesar included worship of Caesar as God’s son (this adds some context to Jesus’ talk about rendering to Caesar and to God, but that will be another blog post). Below is a link to a picture of a denarius of Caesar Augustus Tiberius, Caesar at the time of Jesus’ ministry, with the inscription which translates “Caesar Augustus Tiberius, son of the Divine Augustus.”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiberius#mediaviewer/File:Emperor_Tiberius_Denarius_-_Tribute_Penny.jpg

Jesus’ strategy with his word choice is similar to a virus exploiting a host cell. When a cell is infected with a virus, the viral nucleic acid seizes control of the cell’s machinery and repurposes it to begin creating viral proteins (which form new capsids, the protein shells of virions) and copies of the viral nucleic acid. When Jesus came rather than creating new terminology he hijacked Caesar's promises like a viral take over. He took these preexisting political words of his day, and he redefined them to illustrate the contrast and incompatibility between Kingdom and Empire. By using the word “gospel” Jesus was calling people to put their allegiance not in the empire with its military superiority, but in his kingdom; not in Caesar who ruled the world, but in the Messiah who came to die for and save the world. His goal was to expose the futility of weapons, selfish power, and war; to show another way of living was possible. Jesus’ subversive use of “gospel” foreshadowed his true purpose: demonstrating true power by dying at the hand of the empire’s war machine for those who do not deserve it.

Just as gospel was a declaration of victory accomplished, we can be confident in Jesus’ completed work of salvation. Caesar may have reigned over an empire spanning the known world, but Jesus’ death and resurrection prove He has come to save us and has conquered death. The Gospel continues to call us away from the lust of empire: comfort at the exploitation of others, military power, and control, and to die to ourselves and serve those who, like us, do not deserve it.

Viral Gospel Part 1.

The English word “Gospel” is powerful. Its etymological root is the ancient Greek word “εὐαγγέλιον” (euaggelion) which means “good news”. The history behind this word “euaggelion” is complicated and fascinating, and I will address this, and Jesus’s awesomeness, in Gospel Part 2. For now I want to focus on the idea the Gospel is like a virus.

A virus is composed of two components: the capsid and the nucleic acid (yes some viruses also have a membrane envelope, but for the sake of simplicity we will not concern ourselves with this). The nucleic acid within a virus can be either RNA or DNA and contains all the biological information, the identity, of the virus. The capsid is the protein shell of the virus and serves as the vehicle for transporting the nucleic acid and interacting with the virus’s environment. The formation of the capsid is directed by the nucleic acid.

With this in mind the Gospel, the unchanging truth of this message, is like the nucleic acid of a virus; it cannot be changed without fundamentally altering the identity of the virus. The capsid is the cultural expression of the Gospel and our faith; its role is to interact and adapt to the context. The resurrection is true and the Gospel is truth, but without embodiment or cultural expression nothing happens and no one hears the good news.

A problem facing our post-Christian culture is vaccination. The best way to prevent a virus is to vaccinate. Vaccines are created one of two ways: stripping the nucleic acid from the virus and chopping up the capsid, or mutating the nucleic acid and changing the identity to a weakened form. We live in a world which thinks it has tried and rejected Jesus, but for many people all they have experienced is a false gospel. These false gospels are misrepresentations of the Gospel and Jesus which I as a Christian have also rejected, but they can vaccinated others to the truth about Jesus. These vaccines can look like tradition and behavior; empty routines without the truth of the Gospel in them. A vaccine can also mirror Christianity, have all the trappings of faith, but the truth of the Gospel has been altered: legalism or the belief 'I must obey God to be loved by God'. Gospel clothed with judgment or pride is not the true Gospel, but it can turn people away.

How do we reach a vaccinated world? How do we share Jesus with people who think they have already said no to Him? First we need to seek God and be rooted in His truth; we need to have the right DNA. Next we need some antigenic drift. Antigenic drift is the process of a virus changing its capid to adjust to the environment; the proteins change, but the nucleic acid stays the same. For the Gospel this means the truth is unaltered, but we have to rethink how we present the Gospel. We need to understand our audience, to really listen to their experiences, hurts, and preconceived ideas; maybe it’s as simple as explaining to a friend the ‘Jesus’ they rejected is a lie. Just as Jesus had to explain and embody the truth of the Gospel in His culture and context, not their previous understandings of what was “gospel”, we need to look to Jesus and explain this same Gospel to our world.

What are some common accusation non-Christians have of Christians? Ask your non-Christian friends. This may shed light on what false gospels they have been vaccinated by, which may open the door for you to share the truth. Maybe they are turned off by nonessentials like going to church on Sunday mornings, but would be down to meet weekly an talk about Jesus over coffee or go with you to a bible study?

I think it’s important we take the time to seek God and ask if everything we believe about being a Christian is derived from the true Gospel. Then let’s pray for wisdom in how to re-communicate the Gospel to our culture.

Thankfully God is very creative, and the Gospel of Jesus is really good news.

Thoughts on writing fiction

A year and a half ago I got back into writing, specifically fantasy and science fiction, and I want to share some thoughts on why I believe in writing fiction and telling good stories.

Stories are a wonderful vehicle to discuss themes or ideas, and it is important to find topics worth examining. If I am to devote 5K, 10K, 100K+ words to an extended monologue with readers I should know what I want to talk about. There are many good themes in the world and I doubt whatever time I have left on this earth, however long it may be, will allow me the opportunity to but scratch the surface of the topics left to be contemplated.

When I have an idea in mind the next step is to decide about how to interact with it. My brother-in-law Caleb, who is a wise storyteller, once said stories should be about asking good questions and not about giving good answers. The more I ruminate upon this idea, the more I agree with this story philosophy. As writers, or storytellers of any medium, we should not be lecturing on what to do, but inspiring people to think for themselves. I can tell a reader my thoughts, but the reader will have little reason to give credence (especially in any lasting fashion) to my opinions unless the reader already shares similar views to my own (in which case I have not evoked anything new within the reader). But if I can make the reader ask questions, perhaps some change can occur. It is wrong to think storytelling gives anything remotely like direct control over others; at best all that can be attained in a meandering influence toward an idea.

 This indirect approach of “asking good questions” provides readers with opportunities for mental engagement rather than passively received entertainment. The fruit from even the mildest of mental wrestling is more appreciated by the reader than anything which is won without contest. I wish to communicate something with the reader, and if I am to devote so much time to this endeavor I want it to have effects lasting beyond mere hours after reading. In several arenas of life I have seen that inductive communication lingers in minds far longer than mere deductive styles; deductive reasoning enabled Holmes to solve the most masterful of crimes, but it did nothing to develop Watson's abilities. 

Is it possible to write a story which spurs another person to ponder or remember the beauty of the world around us? By telling a good story can I evokes a sense of wonder? I believe it is, and this is one of my chief reasons for writing fantasy stories. Even the most fantastical of worlds imagined is only a derivative of our own; I dream of other worlds because this world is so magnificent. When I look at the splendor of creation it cannot help but stir within me the longing to reflective-create; to re-imagine and remake things as I have been created to do. The world is beautiful, life is wonderful, and there is so much truth and splendor to behold.

These are my goals as a writer

Creativity and Agency

I have observed a trend for Christians to have an odd view of creativity, especially whenever it relates to creating something “good.” The phrase “God gave me a [insert creative endeavor here]” is thrown around lot. The heart behind this is good and genuine; God is the Author and Creator, the only Independent One. At the end of the day I am creature, and I am creative solely because I have been made to be creative. We have been created to create; it’s a part of being made in His (the Creator’s) image.  It is good for us to guard against pride and make sure to give God credit, but we can take this logic too far and inadvertently deny God some of the glory He is due.

If God gave me the “cool idea” I had, the poem I wrote, this blog post, did He give me the burrito I made for lunch? Technically the answer is ‘yes.’ Without getting into the details like: money, time, mind, food, we have the fundamental truth that I exist, the world exists, I have hands for folding burritos, and the very concept of burritos all because of God. No God, no burritos. It’s a perk of being Independent; everything else depends upon you.

The reason phrases like “God gave me a …” make me nervous is that it seems to deny any involvement on our part. “I did not write this worship song, God gave it to me” begins to sound

less like cooperative creativity and more like possession; I did not have anything to do with it, God just gave it to me. In truth God does not want worship songs, sermons, paintings, etc. apart from the people who have created them. If God wanted a song to exist He does not need anyone else; He imagined light, He can make a song manifest all by Himself. Rather than using us as some sort of printing press for His awesome ideas, God wants to create with us and through us. God did not need David to have psalms written; God delighted in His relationship with David. Please do not misunderstand this as some denial of the Divine authorship of Scripture, it’s not. God does not love and have a personal relationship with Psalm 119, but He does with David.

The term “agency” used in stories to describe characters who have the ability to effect the plot, and important characters usually have significantly more agency than random extra #8. God, being independent, is the source of all agency. He is also a good storyteller which means He has created us to be more than mere puppets He can manipulate as He sees fit. Relationship with God is not fatalistic or mechanistic; instead God in His goodness has granted me some agency on the world around me. I can create things. For His glory.

Furthermore any demeaning of human creativity denies God some of His glory. Our ability to be creative, to have agency, is one of God’s most glorious creations. We as humans have made a lot of things, we have created machines which would appear to be very fatalistic if one considers the point of view of a toaster; but we have not made something which can itself create. But God has.  He alone has, which makes Him pretty awesome and worthy of a lot of glory.

So let us glorify our awesome and Independent Creator by reflecting His creativity with our own.

The Bible is not like Wikipedia

I love Wikipedia. It is among my most frequently visited websites. When I'm bored, have a random question, or want to refresh my knowledge on topics I learn in college, I turn to Wikipedia. It's a beautiful thing.

But the Bible is not like Wikipedia, no matter how often we try to make it so. Here are a few reasons why not:

1. It does not answer our every question. The Bible is a narrative. It has an author and an author's message/story to us telling us what He intends. Selfishly we want the Bible to provide us with an omniscient objective point of view over all of history, which we can evaluate and judge based upon our own understanding. Sorry we don't get to be omniscient, that's just part of finitude. Some questions are left unanswered.

2.  We don't get to edit it to say what we want/think it should say. It edits us.

3.  We have to study it and discover what God was saying and is saying, which means we need to do our homework and be careful. When reading the Bible is all too easy to interpret a passage through my own cultural understanding. The problem is importing my culture, my ideas, my paradigm is inadvertently editorial.

To properly understand scripture we have to understand culture; both our own and that of the original audience. People have always existed within a culture and cultural context. The difficulty for us arises when our own culture is separated from the original author and audience’s culture by, say language and a couple thousand years. To assume that I can read a text written to another audience in another culture at another time, without considering or trying to understand the original author's culture and the original audience's culture is arrogant. There is no book in the Bible written to Tim with his Western 21st Century Post-Enlightenment paradigm, so I guess I will have some studying to do.

But the good news is, the more I learn about the Bible, the context, and the cultures, the richer my understanding of the Bible becomes. I love Jesus, but the more I understand what His words and actions meant in First Century Palestine under Roman oppression, the more I am challenged and inspired. Future posts on some examples to come.

My New Year's Resolution is Learning to Grieve Better (part 2)

This post continues my new year’s resolution of learning to grieve. I began writing about grief with my own grief because it is important first grapple with this before I consider engaging with anyone else’s. If I cannot process my own grief I am likely to be a burden to those around me who are grieving, and there are people around me who are hurting. This world is a broken place, it is inevitable we and people we love will hurt and grieve.

My experience is most of us do not know how to healthily grieve, at least not well enough. I want to learn better how to process life when it is horrific, and I want to be able to help others when they are experiencing the same. In grief, in the midst of our raw emotions, we need each other, and we have the unique opportunity to meet this head on. 

I think it is important we own our grief when it comes; to be willing and comfortable to acknowledge when we are in the agony of grief. We need to also be able to help others acknowledge their grief. In general I find we are really uncomfortable with other’s pain. It makes us very uneasy.

When Emily and I were first married a lesson I had to learn (and am still learning) is that it is okay for Emily to be upset. I cannot always fix the problem. Acting or attempting to resolve the problem and working until I have does not solve the problem. All it accomplishes is make Emily feel unheard, stifled, and controlled by my inability to allow her to be upset. Sometimes we need to be honest and upset, and we need to allow others the freedom to be upset. If this is challenging over minor issues, we know it will be amplified several orders of magnitude with grief.

Well intended words like "everything happens for a reason" and "she's in a better place" are garbage. They help no one. They only speak to someone’s discomfort with another’s grief. Good intentions are nice, but if we are serious about helping others, being there for others, we need to not settle for good intentions. God's Kingdom is not built with good intentions. When we have loss, when we have grief, we need to be honest and process through it. Well intended words invalidate the suffering and grief of others. Doing so harms the person and does not build the Kingdom of God. Emotional suppression is not healthy, and Jesus came so we might be "whole/holy". I do not mean to condemn those who offer up such well meant words, but I do mean to call us to do better and seek to truly help people.

Instead of offering vague words I want to be there. To sit with others in the midst of the storm, when everything sucks, and cry with them. No one wants my empty words. I think honestly the best thing I can offer is my presence. To be there. To listen. If they want to talk we will talk; if they want to sit in silence we will sit in silence. Maybe I can try making food, perhaps I should learn a few casserole recipes to have in my repertoire for when the need arises.

My New Year's Resolution is Learning to Grieve Better (part 1)

This year I have a new year's resolution, and it sounds odd, but I want to learn to grieve better.  Weird right?  It all started at a Christmas Eve service in a cemetery and Christmas day away from family.

I want to learn to grieve well not because I am necessarily poor at it (thought I do have a lot to learn) but because I have found grief to be among life’s guarantees (like taxes and needing to eat food even when I don’t want to).  Grief is nebulous, both in experience and its source.  My greatest experience of grief has been the death of my grandmother, but I am currently experiencing grief for the loss of my native culture and time with family.  It feels odd to admit this and to use the same English word and emotional turmoil to describe these two subjects, but my feelings are probably more indicative of my own immature views of grief than the nature of grief itself.

Grief is not a sign of weakness or unhappiness.  I have been surprised how much I have grieved living in France, especially this holiday season.  I mean we’re living in France!  If this is not a dream life I don’t know what is (and it is an absolute dream), but grief is not mutually exclusive to other emotions.  We humans must give ourselves credit for being complicated enough to feel more than only happy or sad or bored at any one moment in time.  I am coming to terms with the fact a grieving process is part of cultural acclimation.

Beyond grieving for the comfortable and familiar back home, where I can do mundane tasks like buy toilet paper without culture-stress, this holiday season has the added grief of being away from family at a special time of year.  We were visited by all the emotions and memories of Christmas past. 

For Christmas Emily and I spent five days in Salzburg adventuring in castles, cathedrals, and the Christmas market; it was a magical time.  I will always look back fondly upon this unique opportunity.  But we also grieved being away from our families this Christmas.  To help each other Emily and I traded stories of holiday traditions and memories.  While skype (even with a poor internet connection) was a huge blessing, there is no replacement for being physically present with loved-ones and there’s no point in pretending there is.  Such pretending is exactly the thing I want to learn not to do.

So we took time to be sad and allow ourselves and each other to be sad.  There were good reasons to feel so.  All this has me thinking about grief and how I handle my own as well as the grief of others (which I will explore in future blog posts).  I want to ponder and learn about grief this year.