My New Year's Resolution is Learning to Grieve Better (part 1)

This year I have a new year's resolution, and it sounds odd, but I want to learn to grieve better.  Weird right?  It all started at a Christmas Eve service in a cemetery and Christmas day away from family.

I want to learn to grieve well not because I am necessarily poor at it (thought I do have a lot to learn) but because I have found grief to be among life’s guarantees (like taxes and needing to eat food even when I don’t want to).  Grief is nebulous, both in experience and its source.  My greatest experience of grief has been the death of my grandmother, but I am currently experiencing grief for the loss of my native culture and time with family.  It feels odd to admit this and to use the same English word and emotional turmoil to describe these two subjects, but my feelings are probably more indicative of my own immature views of grief than the nature of grief itself.

Grief is not a sign of weakness or unhappiness.  I have been surprised how much I have grieved living in France, especially this holiday season.  I mean we’re living in France!  If this is not a dream life I don’t know what is (and it is an absolute dream), but grief is not mutually exclusive to other emotions.  We humans must give ourselves credit for being complicated enough to feel more than only happy or sad or bored at any one moment in time.  I am coming to terms with the fact a grieving process is part of cultural acclimation.

Beyond grieving for the comfortable and familiar back home, where I can do mundane tasks like buy toilet paper without culture-stress, this holiday season has the added grief of being away from family at a special time of year.  We were visited by all the emotions and memories of Christmas past. 

For Christmas Emily and I spent five days in Salzburg adventuring in castles, cathedrals, and the Christmas market; it was a magical time.  I will always look back fondly upon this unique opportunity.  But we also grieved being away from our families this Christmas.  To help each other Emily and I traded stories of holiday traditions and memories.  While skype (even with a poor internet connection) was a huge blessing, there is no replacement for being physically present with loved-ones and there’s no point in pretending there is.  Such pretending is exactly the thing I want to learn not to do.

So we took time to be sad and allow ourselves and each other to be sad.  There were good reasons to feel so.  All this has me thinking about grief and how I handle my own as well as the grief of others (which I will explore in future blog posts).  I want to ponder and learn about grief this year.