Our time living in Grenoble is drawing to a close. We leave in 45
days to be exact. That date seems far too soon. For months now, I have been
"pre-grieving" our eventual departure from Grenoble. Looking at the
mountains surrounding town, walking home from the boulangerie, drinking
chocolat viennois with friends on Friday nights, I have been cognizant of the
coming end to each of these. It has been an important process for me.
About a month ago, I moved emotionally into a time of wanting to
"rip the band-aid off." The move is coming, it is going to hurt,
let's just get it over with. Now, when I think about leaving, it makes my head
spin. I feel sort of dizzy at the idea.
Have you noticed how emotions are not mutually exclusive? We can
sometimes have this immature idea that feeling one emotion, like being sad to
leave Grenoble, means I cannot simultaneously feel a "contradictory"
emotion, like being excited to move back near friends and family and start a
wonderful new job. Praise God that He made us emotionally complex enough to
feel a myriad of emotions at the same time. I am both deeply saddened to leave
Grenoble and our wonderful community here and very excited for our adventures
ahead in California.
The only difference is that at this moment in time, while still in
Grenoble, the emotions about leaving are much more tangible than the ethereal
thoughts of what is to come. Also, our community around us now is experiencing
the sadness of our leaving and it is important to identify with them in their
sadness. It is always harder to be the one left than the one leaving; leaving
has novel excitement, remaining only has loss. So for those of
you in California, our time of rejoicing together will come, but for now I am
grieving in Grenoble.
It is also hard that we will leave Grenoble with work left to be
done. Granted, there will always be more friends and university students to hang out
with no matter when we leave, but it is sad to go when there are so many wonderful people here now.
But the idea of ever leaving a place with “mission complete” is a fantasy.
Aside from very finite projects, life is never “complete.” There are still
numerous things we want to do in Grenoble and in France, but this only means we
will have to come back to visit.
