Thomas

One of my favorite Gospel stories has to be the story of Thomas in John 20:24-29. Throughout church history people have given "Doubting Thomas" flack for his doubt. We look down upon him and his weak faith, knowing that our faith is somehow superior. "Silly Thomas, ye of little faith!"

But if I'm honest I doubt my faith at times. I had to deal with some doubts last week even. Maybe my faith isn't so superior to Thomas'?

Maybe it's okay to doubt?

I honestly believe that doubt is an essential part of faith. In my life I have seen that it's important for any true relationship I'm in; that the occasional doubt is a healthy sign. Because a "faith" that I cannot question is a "faith" that I am slave to. It is also a "faith" that I alone sustain.

But if I honestly believe Hebrews 12:2 then not I, but Jesus, is the "author and perfector" of my faith. Or do I believe that I'm in control?

What I love about the story of Thomas' doubts is that Thomas is honest. He's not being immature, he is being real enough to say "this is where I'm at, this is what I'm feeling, and this is my line in the sand."

And how does Jesus respond to Thomas?

Does Jesus cry "Begone! I never knew you!"?

No

Jesus appears a week later to the eleven. And he goes to Thomas and says

"Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe." (v 27)

Jesus does not require Thomas to prove himself, say the "right" words, perform correctly.

Jesus meets Thomas where he is at, in his doubt. Jesus does not rebuke him in his doubt, but helps Thomas work through his doubt. Of course Jesus does not want us to be stranded, but He is okay with using doubt as an avenue to a deeper understanding of who He is.

Likewise Jesus does not require us to prove our faith. If we will be honest with ourselves and our doubt, Jesus will meets us where we are. I think God is a lot less interested in proving His existence and a lot more interested in relationship with us than we think.

"I'm like Thomas doubting,

fingers routing the scars

in your wrists and side.

Touching flesh will make my mind believe"

"Dizzy" by Sixpence None the Richer

Bone Marrow

Six days ago, on May 12th, I went to Berkeley to donate my bone marrow. 900 cc's of it (approx 1 quart/1liter). It quite the emotional experience to say the least.

1st: It was emotional because of why I am in the Nation Bone Marrow Donor Registry. You see I had a cousin named Kelly Grubb who was born about the same time as my sister Cait (1988).

When Kelly was 7 she was diagnosed with childhood leukemia. 5 years after chemo and remission the leukemia returned (which is a really mad sign). When the battle with chemo began to fail the doctors turned to a new procedure called a bone marrow transplant. But it's hard to find a match. And 10% of recipients are killed if the transplanted marrow rejects them as a host. They found a donor for Kelly, some guy from Germany.

And Kelly survived.

But Kelly lost 5 years later at the age of 18.

2nd: It was hard because as with any surgery there are risks. Risks of death from anesthesia, risks for infection, risks of human errors. It sounds stupid to have been scared of such risks, but I have to be honest that I was scared.

Also even if everything goes according to plan (which it did) the surgery is still very painful (I guess your body gets angry when you take its bone marrow). On this side of it I can say that for me the pain is comparable to the pain/stiffness/soreness from falling on your butt on icy ground. It's a pretty intense dull ache that only twinges of pain when you bend/twist at your hip (which is more often than you'd guess). For now I'm just fatigued. But going into the surgery the unknown/anticipation was really hard.

3rd: For some 55 year-old woman, somewhere in the world, I was her best shot at life. Her only shot. I know that I was the only match because I am not an ideal bone marrow donor. I have a mild autoimmune disorder, a family history of autoimmune disorders, and allergies; all of which have been transfered to this woman because from now on my bone marrow with my DNA in her will create her immune system with all my flaws. I honestly hope she doesn't like cats because I'm really allergic to cats and she is now too.

But she is only 55. She could easily live another 30-40 years with my marrow. 30-40 years! That's a long time. There is also the impact this will have on not just this lady but her friends and family. I really have no idea how much this will impact so many people.

4th: There is about a 10% chance that my bone marrow will kill this woman within the next 100 days. If not, then my marrow will save her life. Life and death all in a quart of my marrow.

I did it for Kelly.

I did it because I want to be like the guy from Germany who gave my cousin five more years of life.

I did it more because honestly Jesus bled, and suffered, and died to save my life. My suffering doesn't even compare.

And I could do it because I was not alone going into that operating room. The fact that God is faithful got me through this. The community praying for me also was of great support.

Now to rest, and wait, and pray. I get my first update on the woman after a month. After a year if we both consent I can begin communicating with the woman. Needless to say I'm pretty invested in her recovery.

Shoes and Prayer Meetings

I take my shoes off for prayer meetings, mostly (whenever appropriate). You see for me my shoes symbolize my contact with the world, where earth and I meet. At prayer meetings I also empty my pockets of keys, phone, and wallet. These too are ways that I engage with the world, and so I place them in my shoes by the door.

I lay aside these dirty, earthy things and come before God (who is Holy) without them. This is why I think Jesus washing the feet of the disciples is so cool. Jesus washes the filth and grime from the world off of us, to make us clean.

Some Things Every Chi Alpha Needs

• Duct Tape
• Staple Gun & the correct staples for that gun
• Butcher paper
• Paints for butcher paper
• Sound system
• Prayer meetings
• Vision
• PowerPoint capabilities
• A Drummer
• Free Bibles
• Holy Spirit
• Students
• Flier printing abilities
• Graphic designer (for fliers)
• Hammer/Rubber mallet for putting up stakes on campus
• Balloons (helps with tabling)
• Sharpies
• Website
• Photographer
• One on one's
• Internet
• Tools for Mentoring by Joy Schroeder
• Rubber bands, paper clips, and push-pins
• Music stand
• Good core groups/small groups/cell groups/bible studies
• Whiteboard, pens, and art aisle
• Chicken suit or other random animal costume
• People who care about the community
• A Ministry budget

Wasting Talents

We are each given various talents, abilities, and opportunities by God. He is the giver of all such gifts (Jms 1:17) But like the lazy slave can we waste our talents?

The answer is yes. Yes we can.

But is money/talents/works what God wants? Are they an end in and of themselves, or a means to an end?

In Exodus we see the Lord provide for the people of Israel as they are leaving Egypt by allowing them to successfully plunder the Egyptians (Ex 3:21-22) (Ex 12:35-36) . But if we fast forward to Sinai we see the Israelites use the very gold that the Lord provided them with to create the golden calf (Ex 32:1-3). Not only did the Lord bless them with the gold they used to create idols, and thus violate the covenant at its inception, but the wasting of the gold is illustrated in its totality when Moses makes the Israelites drink it. (Ex 32:20)

How broken is the human heart that we can take the very gifts of God and use them to utterly blasphemy His name. Yet in His great love there is forgiveness and reconciliation. But we see demonstrated that sin still has consequences when the gold God provided the Israelites is not restored. It is lost. It is a missed opportunity that will not come again.

I know I need encouragement sometimes to take advantage of the opportunities I have. Praise the Lord for grace. But may we also understand the gravity of sin, and the consequences even of forgiven sin.